JPR Weddings

A Glimpse Of Wedding Magic

2012-02-01T14:05:00.000-08:00

Andrew & Nikki - Pelican Hill from Taylor Films on Vimeo.

Jason Taylor manages to capture some of the fleeting moments of Andrew & Nikki's wedding in this video montage. . .woven together, those moments created the magic of their great celebration.

Nikki & Andrew's vision for their wedding was a shared vision, grounded in family and friends. For Nikki & Andrew their love only makes sense within the comforting context of the love of their friends and family. A cliche? No––just reality, as this video shows in its sweet simplicity.

Nothing Is More Practical Than Falling In Love

2012-01-29T22:20:00.000-08:00

What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination, will affect everything.

It will decide what will get you out of bed in the morning, what you do with your evenings, how you spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude.

Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything.

Pedro Arrupe, s.j.

writer, philosopher

Your wedding celebrates the life the two of you have created AND it celebrates the life you are committed to creating.

Your wedding celebrates your love for each other AND for all the loves you have in your life, together and separately.

I believe that a marriage is one, long, grand conversation. While it’s so basic a question that I hesitate to even ask, ask you I will. . .

Do you know what seizes your partner’s imagination?

Do you know what amazes your partner with joy and gratitude?

What breaks their heart?

As a couple, what seizes your imaginations together?

Fills you with joy and gratitude?

Could break your hearts?

Your answers to these questions tell the story of your life and commitment.

Let your answers guide you in creating your ceremony and celebration. . .

2012 A New Year and New Thanksgivings

2012-01-23T23:33:00.000-08:00

For my first entry of 2012, I want to tell you one of my very favorite of favorite wedding stories. . .

Enjoy!

the truest of true stories. . .

Thanksgiving. I’m sitting at a long table, filled with deep-down good people. Anthony & Melissa have gathered us into their home. Across from me is a beautiful Indian woman. She has a disarming smile and a hearty laugh. She turns those clichés into something real.

I’m talking about this book, which then is half-written. The woman interrupts me. And with a directness not often seen between strangers, she asks: “what do you think is needed to make a marriage a success?”

Funny, this year I’ve officiated over 70 weddings. I spent the previous 6 weeks working on this book. And when she asks me her question, I fumble.

How do I answer her question, which I sense comes from a place of disappointment?

So, I tell her: “listening.” It’s both a true and safe answer. Besides, I do believe this is the key communication skill. Yet, somehow, when I give her this answer, it doesn’t seem adequate.

I glance at Anthony & Melissa. I flash on other couples who nourish me, Stacy & Eddie, Sarah & Buddy, Hanna & Bruce, Lyn & Brian, Clarice & John, Gina & Josh, “The Does”, Stephanie & Ray. And I wonder—what makes each of their marriages a “success?”

Hmm. . .they constantly support each other. Ah, but that, too, seems like a worn-out answer.

And then I flash on a moment Anthony & Melissa shared earlier. They had just finished setting-up this Tuscany-like family style table. I came into the garden and glimpsed them in a warm, hugging embrace.

Exhausted from the preparations, they simply fell into each other’s arms—and smiled. It was not so much a sexual embrace as it was intimately confirming that: we did it.

A seemingly eccentric woman from my college days once told me that real love is not those champagne moments filled with fireworks. Rather, real love is a reassuring whisper in the dark of night.

That is what I witnessed in their garden—the intimacy of a reassuring whisper.

This is our feast. In our home. Built on all the moments I wanted to kill you. Built on all your surprises that both delighted me and puzzled me. This night is our gift to these wonderful and wacky people, who, for better or for worse, are a part of our home.

As I looked down the table, with all its mismatched chairs and mismatched guests, I thought: “if we can’t give thanks for this moment, what can we give thanks for?”

And then, the woman again asked me, is that all that is needed for a successful marriage—listening to the other?

I look around the garden and think—no, listening is not enough. Rather, here, this table, this is what makes for a “successful marriage.”

Two people dedicated and pledged to creating a life—a life-giving life—that rises above the rituals of their individual pasts. A dedication that lets this day swirl with good, hearty questions: “do you have enough. . .do you need more. . .there’s plenty more. . .eat up. . .help yourself. . .don’t be shy. . .are you sure you’ve had enough. . .?”

Questions asked while serving and laughing.

What makes for a successful marriage? In that moment, as I flash on my family of couples, I’m reminded that it is the generosity with which two people ask these questions of each other. And in making their home in each other, there find comfort and safety in the reassuring hospitality of the other.

Your wedding is your Thanksgiving meal and its “perfection” comes not merely from all going “smoothly.”

No, it comes from all leaving feeling nourished. Feeling full from the reminder that life is good and worthy of our faith and hope and all that is good and true within us.

You take each other as husband & wife and in that taking you give to family and friends a “loud,” reassuring whisper that all is possible, as you urge them on-- eat, have more, don’t be shy. . .

Arguing With The Mind vs. The Heart Part 2

2011-06-18T23:49:00.000-07:00

Ray Soemarsono of Apertura

Studies show that the most successful relationships are the ones where the couple are similar enough that they comfortingly compliment each other and different enough that they invitingly challenge each other.

Now this is certainly true with this couple. He is a person by dint of personality and profession (engineer) who values logic. She is a person by dint of personality and profession (sales) who values feelings. He spots specifics and she stares at the panorama.

He thinks logic is going to win the day because that is how logic is supposed to work. However, as soon as she begins to feel that he’s clobbering her with facts, she shuts down. “What’s the use? He’s not interested in what I have to say” is her mantra. And he becomes frustrated when he sees her give up. He wants her to fight for her ideas. He’s a competitor and that’s what competitors do!

They’ve created dance steps, patterns, rituals for arguing and those steps are now like the air they breathe. They presume, “well, that’s just the way we are.” Hmm. . .not exactly.

The quality of a relationship is based on the quality of the communication in the relationship. If you are unhappy in a relationship then one of the chief reasons is because of the communication that is taking place.

I asked the groom, “when you’re in an argument, do you notice that she’s becoming more passive?” “Yes.” “Then, why do you persist with the logic, the reasons?” “I want her to see it my way.” “Does she ever come out of her passive state and say, ‘you’re right—I wasn’t thinking straight.’” “No.” “Never? Then why do you persist?”

And I asked the bride, “in an argument, what’s your goal?” “To get what I want.” “And how do you do that?” “I plead and then when I get frustrated, I just ask, ‘what do I have to do to get X?” “And do you ask in a pleasant tone of voice or do you have attitude?”

Smiles all around.

“Do you pout; cross your arms, and make it sound like a demand if not an ultimatum?”

She actually looked shocked that I knew!

80% of what we respond to in a conversation is not what is said, but how it is said. She tuned him out when he started to lecture. He tuned her out when she started to pout.

No one likes a know-it-all and no one likes a whiner.

So, what to do? It is not possible to magically change personality. Nor is there any reason to do so.

Choices can be made in how to communicate.

She needs to understand that “because it feels good” is not a reason that is going to advance her cause. How do you respond to a “reason” like that?

He needs to understand that people don’t always make decisions based on what is most logical. He needs to help her explore her feelings so as to help her understand what she is thinking. And, she needs to help him explore his thoughts so as to help him understand what he is feeling.

Arguing With The Mind vs. The Heart

2011-05-23T22:21:00.000-07:00

http://aperturaphoto.com/blog

Last week a couple came to me for pre-marital counseling.

The bride was uneasy—everything was fine, so what are they doing here with me? I explained that my approach is from a communications angle. I don’t have a structured format. Rather, I invite a couple to reflect on their styles of communicating—individually and together. What works? What doesn’t?

I ask a couple to give me some real life moments and we can use those to explore ways to improve their communication, and so improve the quality of their life—especially now, during this time when there is an abundance of stress.

The bride was still uneasy. Everything’s good—though at times, she said, she “might” be a bit too passive in their arguments—especially when he becomes his usual pigheaded self! Hmm. . .

The groom readily admitted that he’s competitive and enjoys arguing even when he knows he’s wrong. He admitted this is true even with his fiancée.

I asked the bride if she enjoyed arguing with him when he was in the “zone.” She didn’t—she hated it. But, she said it didn’t matter as she just shuts down and lets him have his way.

The groom jumped in, saying that he hated it when she shut down.

I asked if he heard why she shuts down. Yes, but. . .

“Then why do you do it?” the bride demanded. “I don’t know,” he said, shrugging his shoulders.

“I don’t want to argue. All I want is to get what I want,” the bride matter-of-factly explained.

“There, that’s the kind of attitude I don’t like. I feel like she’s disrespecting me,” said the groom. “She doesn’t take what I say seriously. I explain things logically to her. I give her the reasons why we need to do something a certain way and she ignores everything I say.”

“Is that true?” I asked. “Do you ignore? Do you intend to disrespect him?”

“I know what he’s going to say—I just don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to know the reasons why I can’t have something when I feel I should have it. The problem is he thinks with his head and I think with my heart. He doesn’t respect me when he doesn’t listen to why I want something.”

Exasperated, the groom, tossed out, “she doesn’t have any reasons for anything. All she has are just feelings.”

Let me freeze frame here—does any of this sound familiar? I want to point out that the couple were very polite in the way they spoke to each other—this was not a shouting match. However, they clearly felt frustrated.

So, let me try to distill an hour and a half conversation into some manageable thoughts.

to be continued. . .

And speaking of vows

2011-05-14T00:50:00.000-07:00

picottephoto.com

When creating a wedding ceremony one of the main issues I discuss with a couple is the vows. Ironically, most couples are most nervous about this element. Couples often tell me that they don’t like standing in front of people who are looking at them.

Hmm ... well, that’s going to be a hard one to get around at a wedding with any guests.

Many couples op to repeat their vows after me. I say the vows in a low voice, so as not to be heard by the guests, and then hope that the couple will say them in a louder voice-which isn’t always the case.

Some couples want to write their own vows. Many couples, though, are afraid to write their vows for fear that they’ll sound “cheesy.” I can honestly say that I’ve never heard vows that I thought were “cheesy.” Granted, some were more eloquently worded than others, yet all were poignant.

How great it is that you have someone in your life who compels you to search deep in your heart for words that express the passion of your commitment.

Be nervous about hundreds of eyes staring at you—don’t be nervous about saying something cheesy ... the committed heart is not able to offer cheesy sentiments.

"Is It Okay If We_____?"

2011-05-06T13:41:00.000-07:00

cheninboutwell.com

Often times couples will ask me, “is it okay if we ?” And that blank is filled in with a wildly imaginative assortment of ideas. Thumb through contemporary wedding planning books and you’ll notice that tradition is adapting to many modem inclinations. I officiated a wedding where the bride had a “man-of-honor” and the groom had a “best woman.” Another bride, whose father was deceased, had her mother escort her down the aisle. A shy groom, who was a musician, wrote a song for his bride and sang it in place of “saying” his own vows.

These are visuals that broke with tradition and yet added immeasurable warmth and texture to their ceremonies.

I really haven’t seen it all, but I’ve seen enough to know that the whacky sometimes can add to the sweetness of the day-whether the couple plans the wackiness or not.
A few memories that still make me smile ...

• The bride who walked down the aisle to the blaring of The Star Wars theme. Yes, it did have an other-worldly feel to it.
• The bride who did somersaults down the aisle (she was in her 40’s). More than feeling stunned, I was amazed that she could do them while wearing a slim-cut evening dress.
• The bride who planned her wedding, guided by her astrological chart. She determined that the vows had to be said beginning exactly at 5:59 PM. I had a friend stand off to the comer and flag me when it was time.
• And then there was the couple who had their wedding in the backyard of their new home. As a symbol of their pledge to wholeheartedly “take the plunge” they jumped into the pool after I pronounced them married.

“Is it okay if we ___?” Well, yes ... since a wedding celebrates you-in all your glory and uniqueness. The only thing you “have” to do is say your vows—though I have had nervous couples ask me if they actually had to say their vows!

If You Could Read My Mind

2011-04-30T15:08:00.000-07:00

Ray Soemarsono of Apertura

As you know, the wedding planning process is laced with stress. And often times stress bubbles up from unrealistic expectations.

Studies have shown that the longer we’ve known someone, the more we love someone, the more we expect that person to know us so well that we don’t have to tell them what we’re thinking. As whacky as it sounds, we expect them to be able to read our mind!

When meeting with couples for pre-marital coaching, I hear classic phrases such as, “Why do I have to ask him? He should know without me asking.” “She said she didn’t care. How was I supposed to know that this was a big deal to her?”

In the midst of “should” and “why” and “supposed to” it’s vital to remember that your partner is many wonderful things, BUT, he / she is not a mind reader. And even though they can’t read your mind, they still do love you!

There are many people who will play games with you as you plan for your wedding. Please don’t play games with each other.

If you need your partner to know how you’re feeling or what you’re thinking or needing, let them know. Don’t blame; don’t accuse. Just tell them.
And if you’re not sure what it is your partner is saying, ask for clarification. Admit that you don’t understand.

Here are some non-mind-reading phrases:

“I need you to know that____.”
“I’m feeling _____ right now and I need you to_______.”
“I want to help and I’m not sure how. What can I do?”
“I’m not sure I understand what you mean when you say______.”
“Are you sure everything is good because you look _______. Are you?”

Be kind to each other and don’t try to read each other’s mind.

i carry your heart

2011-04-01T20:19:00.000-07:00

Picotte Photo

i carry your heart with me
i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate, my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
Edward Estlin Cummings

Intimate Ceremonies

2011-03-20T14:50:00.000-07:00

Victor Sizemore Photography

This month I’ve officiated two weddings where the guest count for each was around twenty people. One was held at the couple’s backyard. They had warned me of potential plane noise from John Wayne airport; however, they hadn’t warned me about their neighbor’s gardener and his jet-propulsion sounding lawn mower!

Later, the couple expanded their celebration to include seventy friends who gathered at a nearby restaurant. The couple hired a live band that kept them partying into the early hours.

The other ceremony took place at Greystone Manor, a historic landmark in Beverly Hills dating back to the 1920’s. The couple opted to use an i-pod for music and, of course, for “some reason” it didn’t work as well as expected.

Later, tucked away in a fragrant garden corner, the couple sat with their families at a shabby-chic table for a wedding feast worthy of its English Gothic setting.

There really is no one way to celebrate a wedding. Each couple, though, created its own sweet, warm, fun, and funny magic because. . .

A. Each couple had a clear sense of what they wanted their day to look like—and feel like.
B. Each groom fully participated; he didn’t just “show up.”
C. Each couple gave long, hard thought to whom they wanted at their ceremony. Those people, in ways known and unknown to them, helped each couple come to this moment in time.

And, finally, everyone present created magic because their love and joy was louder than any lawn mower or a whispering i-pod!

Being A Groom

2011-01-29T18:32:00.000-08:00

Picotte Photography

I recently met with a couple and the groom really impressed me. . .he knew how long they’ve been together (!) and he had clear thoughts about what he wanted the ceremony to be about and he even knew the color of the groomsmen’s bowties!

I always remind a couple that a wedding is their celebration of their life together and that it is not the bride’s coronation. I feel disappointed when a groom shrugs his shoulders, smiles, and says, “whatever she wants is fine with me.” No! That’s not what this is about. Granted, a groom doesn’t have to go to the florist, but. . .

Michael, the groom in this photo, worked with his bride, Melody, in creating their wedding day. And as corny as it sounds, the satisfaction and joy and so much more of all that “work” is what this photo captures.

You can hear me talk more about grooms and their weddings by going to Get Married at:

http://getmarried.com

What Love Is All About

2011-01-23T22:39:00.000-08:00

Another thought from THE HAPPINESS PROJECT. . .

“I’ve never forgotten something I read in college, by Pierre Reverdy: ‘There is no love; there are only proofs of love.’ Whatever love I might feel in my heart, others will see only in my actions.”

Hmm. . . Good words to keep in mind as you think you’re going to lose your mind from all the stress of planning!

Welcoming Love

2011-01-15T21:14:00.000-08:00

www.karikochar.com

MY LOVE
~ Linda Lee Elrod ~
When I met you, I had no idea
how much my life
was about to be changed...
but then, how could I have known?

A love like ours happens
once in a lifetime.
You were a miracle to me,
the one who was everything
I had ever dreamed of,
the one I thought existed
only in my imagination.

And when you came into my life,
I realized that what I
had always thought
was happiness
couldn't compare to the joy
loving you brought me.

You are a part of everything
I think and do and feel,
and with you by my side,
I believe that anything is possible.
(this day) gives me a chance
to thank you for the miracle of you...
you are, and always will be,
the love of my life.

This poem was read at a wedding I officiated. The bride was fifty years old. Long ago she had resigned herself to the "fact" that she would never marry. And then, along came the man who is now her husband. They reminded me that all things are possible for those who keep their hearts open to love. . .

Desperately Romantic

2011-01-10T22:09:00.000-08:00

photo by Suthi Picotte

“I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”

When Harry Met Sally

How To Be Happy While Planning Your Wedding

2011-01-06T22:20:00.000-08:00

Over the holidays, while blizzard-bound in NYC, I read “The Happiness Project.” It is Gretchen Rubin’s accounting of what she did during the course of a year to expand her ability to take pleasure and happiness in her life. She has some wonderful musings on marriage, commitment, and love that I’ll share with you in the weeks ahead.

Here’s the first. . .and, again, while it speaks to her marriage, it also speaks to what you need to keep in mind as you plan your wedding.

"When thinking about happiness in marriage, you may have an
almost irresistible impulse to focus on your spouse, to emphasize how he or she should change in order to boost your happiness. But the fact is, you can’t change anyone but yourself. A friend told me that her “marriage mantra” was, “I love Leo, just as he is.” I love Jamie just as he is. I can’t make him do a better job of doing household chores, I can only stop myself from nagging—and that makes me happier. When you give up expecting a spouse to change (within reason), you lessen anger and resentment, and that creates a more loving atmosphere in a marriage."

Page 68
The Happiness Project
Gretchen Rubin

Happy New Year!

2011-01-01T15:45:00.000-08:00

photo by Victor Sizemore

“What marriages work the best? The ones where partners acknowledge, validate and appreciate each other continuously.”

While the above quote applies to couples married, it also applies to couples engaged—especially those who are actively planning their wedding.

On this first day of the new year, I encourage you to be kind with each other as you make your way through the wacky world of wedding planning.

How you treat each other during this time is how you will treat each other the time after your wedding. Your life together has already begun.

I wish you a happy new year—a year of new blessings, new happiness, new dreams.

Cheers!

2010-09-02T22:07:00.001-07:00

Natalie & Conrad - Short Film from living cinema on Vimeo.

Curtis Heyne is another of my favs. All you have to do is watch his video to see why. He's warm, funny, insightful, and a genuine artist.

The beauty and festiveness of Natalie & Conrad's wedding was the vision of Brooke Keegan. She will take wonderful care of you.

Enjoy!

SOME COMMON SENSE

2010-08-15T21:32:00.000-07:00

I recently reunited with a couple whose wedding I officiated fifteen years ago. They look older but their spirits are as I remember them. Open, inquisitive, yet clearly defined in their ongoing aspirations. Jack Daniels joined us at the table and story begat story. It was a magical night.

As I was leaving, Frank suddenly asked me: “do you know why Renee and I are still in love?” Various answers came to mind, but I simply said, “no, why are you still in love?” He said: “we’re kind to each other.”

So simple.

He explained how they don’t ever want to lose sight that they are each other’s partner and best friend--not punching bag or dumping ground for the day’s irritations.

So simple. So deep in the heart of what makes a relationship “work.”

And this is especially true while planning for your wedding. In case you haven’t noticed, it’s exhausting work. Often times it is frustrating and irritating work.

That’s why it’s essential that you be kind to each other. This is your wedding. You plan together. You muddle through the details and the weirdness of it all—together. Remember--you are not the “enemy!”

Be kind to each other. . .

The Life That I Have

2010-08-02T00:08:00.000-07:00

The Life That I Have

The life that I have
Is all that I have
And the life that I have
Is yours

The love that I have
Of the life that I have
Is yours and yours and yours.

A sleep I shall have
A rest I shall have
Yet death will be but a pause
For the peace of my years
In the long green grass
Will be yours and yours and yours.

Leo Marks

Chelsea Clinton included this poem at her wedding. In three verses Leo Marks echoes the sum of a life lived out in the company of a soul mate.

Simple Words, Profound Words

2010-07-29T16:31:00.000-07:00

Before a ceremony starts, I usually line up with the groom and his groomsmen. I always reassure the groom that he has nothing to be nervous about. All he has to do is hold his bride’s hand and look into her eyes. I’ll take care of everything else.

I told this to a groom last Saturday. He smiled and said, “Why should I be nervous? I’m marrying the woman I love.”

He said it all. . .

My Wedding Hero

2010-07-26T14:00:00.000-07:00

Over the weekend, by chance, I met up with a woman whose wedding I officiated last year. She is one of my wedding heroes. Why? Well, everything that could have gone wrong with her wedding did. And by “everything” I am not really exaggerating.

Shortly before the ceremony, the zipper on her dress broke. The flowers were not the ones she had ordered. The tablecloths were not the color she had ordered. The musicians were late. The shuttle van from the hotel broke down and guests were stranded for a half-hour. The ceremony was delayed an hour.

Through it all she remained calm. Not once did she get angry. How did she do it? I was in awe of her. She told me that it was the happiest day of her life and she wasn’t going to let anything ruin her happiness.

She told me that the ceremony was beautiful (thank you!) and that she and her guests had a blast at the reception.

She is my hero. May I suggest that you keep this bride in mind as you plan and live out your own celebration. . .

New Year--New Posts!

2010-02-03T13:13:00.000-08:00

It's been way too long since I posted here. . .
so here's to a new year and a new decade--and many new posts!
First up is an entry from one of my fav photograpers, Cherie Steinberg.
The photo is of Aimee and Dave, mutual friends of ours.

The photographer can make the wedding. They are like the psychiatrists, the fashion photographers, the stylist, technical engineer, psychologist, mother, father, friend and comedian. They are your eyes and your ears. They may even make or break the wedding.
The photography decision is the one that all your guests will either say, “Wow, what an amazing team of people you chose. They were incredible, capturing every detail of the day.” Or they will be the people that the guests will say, “Hmm, what a jerk the photographer was.” Love their photography studio and then love their images.
The relationship between you and your photographer needs to be very personal. It’s like choosing the right doctor or the right house. It is a very important decision. If you have to get a cheaper cake or get chicken instead of beef, do it!! Take the $1000 savings and transfer it to the photographers.
Again I urge… Please – do not skimp on the photographer. Your photographer will create your family heirlooms. That is why you need to get the best photographer you can afford.
To give you some perspective of how important this person will be in your life, I’ll share with you that many of our clients become personal friends. Our studio later photographs their pregnancies, their children, and their families. We are included in all family functions and photograph for years to come, and oftentimes we photograph extended family, neighbors and friends. We become woven into their lives.

Perfection vs. Magic

2009-04-05T21:13:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I officiated the wedding of Alicia and Joel. The ceremony was scheduled to start at 4 PM. By 3:30 the DJ had not arrived. Crunch time. Joel remained calm, though clearly worried. The best man put in a call and the DJ finally called back at 3:45. He said he was running late and that he’d be at the venue in 15 minutes. 4:00 came round and still no DJ. Joel was still calm—Alicia would walk down the aisle to music! The DJ finally showed at 4:30 and the ceremony began at 5:00.

I thought it was remarkable that throughout it all no one panicked. Joel and Alicia were determined that no one and no thing would ruin the joy, excitement, and fun of their great day.

While waiting, guests were served cocktails and had a grand time mingling and meeting-up with old friends and family.

Everyone acknowledged that glitches happen. This was one more thing that would be added to the stories told years from now.

This is what I think is the difference between a “perfect” and a “magical” wedding. Perfection strives to impress. Magic strives to remember what is most important—love, loyalty, family, friends, and the good hearts and wills with which they surround a couple.

Alicia and Joel’s family and friends brought more music with them than any DJ could offer.

2009-01-06T23:47:00.000-08:00

Rings are an ancient symbol
blessed & simple;
round like the sun,
like the eye,
like arms that embrace.
Circles,
for love that is given
comes back round & round again.
Therefore, may these symbols remind you
that your love,
like the sun, illumines.
That your love,
like the eye, must see clearly.

And that your love,
like arms that embrace
is a grace upon this world.

2008-12-14T14:49:00.000-08:00

What to do with Your Traveling Guests
part 2

More from Tobey Dodge

When it comes to giving directions to the rehearsal dinner and the wedding
ceremony/reception, some details really make the difference in your guests
comfort level and enjoyment quotient.

A few annotations to the google map or mapquest info is always a big help.
Make sure you have personally driven the route/s your guests will most likely be taking to make sure if there are any guideposts or difficult areas to understanding the traffic lights or signs. Let the virgin driver to the
area know about the two way stop signs, round-abouts, and narrow or windy roads ahead of time. Often these quaint places chosen for the wedding and rehearsal dinners are off the beaten path tucked away in the nooks and
crannies of a romantic hideaway village.

It's good to have an emergency number of someone with a responsible nature to call for a damsel in distress or a missing uncle who changed trains or planes and didn't tell someone in time during the wedding weekend.

Most importantly as a bride and groom, remember that you can't make everyone happy at the same time. There are bound to be some loveable nut cases in every group that will never be satisfied, no matter how much pre planning you do.

Soo, keep in mind that the way to spend the most time with your guests on the wedding day is to take the majority of your photos with both the bride and groom, family, and irresistible friends before the ceremony if possible. Have water, light snacks, and a place to sit for the extended family and wedding party during the pre ceremony prep hours so there will be no shrinking violets or grumpy groomsmen to contend with while taking photos before the ceremony.

Weddings often take on a secondary role as a family reunion too. So leave enough time in the wedding weekend for informal "get togethers" with distant relatives if you like. Weddings are often a time to renew old friendships and make new connections with the new (in-law) family too.

Don't expect the over 60 crowd to stay until the last note is sung, even if they were disco dance champions in the 70's. They had a great time, but something on or in their bodies starts to talk back after about 6 hours of eating, drinking, and dancing, so don't take their actions as a barometer of your wedding in anyway. The later everyone shows up to the brunch is a good indication of whom had spent the most time at the bar and on dance floor the night before.

Hopefully, you will be able to take a deep breath and get a good night sleep the next day, giving you some reflective moments before you leave for the honeymoon.

Smiles,
Tobey Dodge

2008-11-23T13:12:00.000-08:00

Tobey Dodge is a wonderful event coordinator--gracious, competent, with a great sense of humor--a rare combination! Here she offers some advice on what to do with out-of-town guests, an often overlooked aspect to wedding planning

What to do with Your Traveling Guests

Over the last 20 years I have seen my share of destination weddings, both in
town when most guests are from out of town or when most everyone is going out of town to a distant location. Often brides try and figure out
activities that the traveling guests will enjoy from the minute they
touch down on the tarmac to the last dance of the wedding night. The guests
are often picked up by limo or shuttle and whisked away to the hotel or
resort where they are staying.

The logistical juggling act begins when the bride and groom attempt to drop
gift bags off to the designated hotels while simultaneously attending the
carefully choreographed events as the guests trickle into town on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday before the wedding. So keep in mind that families do vary in their attitudes of how much hand-holding they want to do for their nearest and dearest of kin.

If you have special needs guests, or want to have a hang loose kind of
weekend, it's best to let your traveling guests know that ahead of time so
no one has made assumptions in either direction on what to expect or is
expected to be taken care of during their stay.

Some brides might say, "Well there are only 20 guests coming from out of
town, they can find their own way". After all, there is GPS, Mapquest etc.
to get you where you are going nowadays". To tell you the truth, It really
doesn't matter if the wedding is for 40 or 400, you have the same steps to
take in preparing for their (guests) arrival and activities. The trick here,
is to figure out a balance between letting them wander the woods of Vermont and camp out with the bears to practically wrapping the guests in swaddling from the airport ramp to their wedding dinner table seating assignments.

Even if you have globe trekkers for family and friends, everyone enjoys
being taken care of to some degree for a special event like a wedding. You
can always post on a wedding website the possible options for the guests to
take advantage of during their stay with telephone numbers for their own
scheduling needs. When you get into golf games and tennis matches, you are
opting to add layers of administration and logistics to the weekend. It's
best to assign someone other than immediate wedding party members to do the grunt work to make those kind of activities a reality without too much fuss or muss.

Smiles,

Tobey Dodge

2008-11-02T21:57:00.000-08:00

vcsphotography.com

Love, I think, is a gateway to the world, not an escape from it.
Mark Doty

2008-10-29T23:46:00.001-07:00

I recently met with a couple who invited me to have a pizza as we finalized the ceremony details. The groom reminded me that it was going to be 90 degrees the afternoon of the outdoor ceremony. He insisted that we keep it barebones short. A cloud came over the bride’s face. She was Roman Catholic and her family already was upset that she wasn’t getting married in the Church. She wanted a ceremony that wasn’t rushed. The groom dove into his pizza and the bride dabbed the tears hovering in her eyes. I asked the bride to tell her fiancé her concerns. He put his pizza down and listened. He was surprised and then admitted he’d forgotten so much of what she had just expressed. In the weeks leading up to this final meeting, he hadn’t really listened to her—not with his ears; not with his eyes.
Stress increases when a bride and groom don’t fully listen to each other. Good listening is one of the surest ways to prevent stress from beginning.
I’ve observed that by the time a couple begins planning for their wedding, they’ve developed patterns of listening and not listening to each other. The planning process is going to test just how good those rituals are.
Stressed with work, couples rely on trusted technology to get things done. However, getting things done is not the same as listening. Listening doesn’t happen with the click of a “send” button. Listening demands “seeing”—what the other is saying, as well as not saying.
If a bride and groom don’t listen to each other, confusion quickly moves in. I see this when I meet with couples—those who’ve listened to what each wants and those who’ve not. With those who have been listening, there’s a lighthearted tone to our conversation. And with those who haven’t, there are many awkward moments that I need to smooth over. Are you listening to each other? Are you satisfied with the quality of listening?

2008-10-27T23:32:00.000-07:00

Couples will often ask me if I can recommend readings. Well, here is a reading that a couple recently used at their ceremony. I love it!

REMEMBERING YOUR HEART

On cold winter nights, love is warm.
It lies between you and lives and breathes
and makes funny noises.

Love doesn't like being left alone for long.
But come home and love is always happy to see you.
It may break a few things accidentally in its passion for life,
but you can never be mad at love for long.

But love makes you meet people wherever you go.
People who have nothing in common but love
stop and talk to each other on the street.

Throw things away and love will bring them back,
again, and again, and again.
But most of all, love needs love, lots of it.
And in return, love loves you and never stops.

Falling in love is like owning a dog
an epithalamion by Taylor Mali

2008-10-26T21:36:00.000-07:00

At a friend’s 40th birthday party, I met a couple who had just celebrated their first wedding anniversary. The man and his family are culturally Jewish; the woman is agnostic; her father is an atheist and her mother Roman Catholic. They told me that they were quickly overwhelmed with the politics laced through the planning. Politics always hinges on the little things.
The father was upset that his daughter was not going to have a blessing as it would make her mother happy. The Jewish side suddenly became very observant. Huppah, smashing of the glass, ketubah.
Huh? The couple was amazed and puzzled. Where did these people come from?
The couple decided to work through each issue as it came along—prioritizing the wacky from most to least important. They gave it the best they had and trusted the good will of all involved. They didn’t satisfy everyone. Some people chose not to be happy. In the end, though, people rallied and surrounded them with the best love they had—and gave them everything they wanted from Crate&Barrel!

2008-10-23T21:50:00.000-07:00

I officiated a wedding recently in a chapel built on the grounds of a retirement home. The bride’s great-grandfather had built the chapel. It was there that he officiated the wedding of the bride’s grandparents. Tradition and family made this space especially sacred.
The couple was glowing and their smiles made them feel relaxed. They were so in the moment. And then, as I was speaking, the bride spotted something on the groom’s jacket. Instinctively, she reached across and flicked it away. Everyone laughed, though the couple seemed clueless to our reaction.
It was an exquisite moment. That one gesture spoke to the reality of marriage--caring in simple ways—seeing—reaching gently across to help each other. No wonder we laughed—in joy, recognition, and affirmation. . .

Sanity Saver Questions

2008-09-05T02:24:00.000-07:00

Here are two more SANITY SAVER questions to reflect upon as you catch your breath during one of those rare moments when you can.

• What do you most like about yourself?
• What are the gifts you bring to your partner?

Do these questions make you squirm? Good! When confronted by these questions, most of us do squirm.

Please understand that I’m not asking you to consider what you’re going to DO for your partner. Rather, I’m asking you to consider what it is about you that you prize so much that you want to share it with your partner.

Often times we feel uncomfortable reflecting upon and naming the good that we are; but, name it you should. The more you can understand and appreciate what makes you unique, the more confidently will you say “I do.”

Advice from a bride

2008-08-29T23:43:00.000-07:00

Kristeen is marrying Josh in November. In the thick of planning, here is some advice she offers to brides just starting out. . .

I get asked all the time how I keep my sanity in check while planning my upcoming wedding. No matter what stage of planning you’re at, the best tip I can give you is to regularly visit online wedding communities to get ideas of what others are doing.

Hands down, the best site I’ve come across is Project Wedding. With vendor reviews and photo galleries, the site is completely ad-free. Spamming vendors are not allowed.

The most useful section of the site is the message board, frequented by hundreds of brides-to-be. I’ve been posting since March and am still amazed at how supportive and inviting the other women are. Anytime I’ve had a question or just needed to vent about my family driving me crazy, the ladies of Project Wedding have always been there. My fiancé has gained from me posting as well – he even posted my 500th message as a thank you to the gang for keeping me so happy. Trust me ladies, the guys don’t care if your napkins are celadon or sage, but we brides do.

Sanity Saver questions

2008-08-28T12:27:00.000-07:00

• What does your day look like as you picture it in your head?
• What does your wedding day mean to you?
• What would have to happen for your wedding to be ruined?
• Are you focused on the perfect or the magical?

Yes, everybody knows what a wedding means—or at least what it is supposed to mean. Yet, too often, I’ve seen couples in the hub-bub and chaos of planning for their wedding day, lose sight of just what the day means to them.

Tips on Choosing your Wedding Photographer

2008-07-15T00:16:00.000-07:00

I recently met Kari Kochar, a wedding photographer with a keen eye for warmth and style. We quickly realized that we share a common philosophy regarding weddings. I've invited her to share with you some of her tips on what to keep in mind while choosing your photographer.

Personality – IMO, this is one of the most important things!!!

Is the photographer that you meet someone that you can get along with (for your whole wedding)? This is really important, since you will probably spend more time on your wedding day with your photographer than almost any other person and that will also show in the photos if you do not connect with them. And also, is the photographer someone you can get along with throughout the whole process (hiring, engagement session, wedding day and afterwards in designing your album- that is often a 2 year time period)

Experience Level – I strongly recommend that you don’t hire a family member or friend and that you specifically hire a wedding photographer (not an advertising photographer, fashion photographer etc.), but someone with a lot of experience shooting weddings- I’ve lost count of the number of stories I’ve heard where the photographer didn’t have enough experience and lost the photos, their equipment failed, they acted or dressed inappropriately, they missed key important moments, since they lacked the experience shooting weddings, etc.

1. How many weddings? (my rec: at least 25, or more)
2. How long have they been doing weddings? (my rec: at least 2 years)
3. Formal Training? (I do think a photographer can learn on the job, but I know several photographers, and I think the best ones are the ones with formal schooling in photography)- gives them a level of photographic sophistication.

Kari will share more tips in my next entry.

Inspiration

2008-07-13T00:32:00.000-07:00

love is friendship on fire. . .

photo by jesse leake

What To Look for When Choosing a DJ

2008-07-10T22:49:00.000-07:00

A DJ can make or break a party. While I don't often get to a reception, I have heard many DJ's at ceremonies. Lee Dyson of Hey Mister. DJ, is someone I've worked with and whose work stands apart from the crowd. I asked him to jot down some thoughts on what to look for when you choose a DJ:

In the past you could safely bet that if you were hiring a DJ they had to be good because the would have needed to spend thousands of dollars on music and equipment not to mention the amount of hours on researching music etc...
It was a profession that only the seriously passionate and committed would undertake.

These days it’s much easier for anyone who is a fan of music to pick up some gear and call themselves a DJ.

This is mostly to the change in technology- MP3 downloads, Ipods, computer programs that mix for you, sophisticated cd turntables etc.... the DJ market is flooded more than ever before with hobbyist & bedroom DJs that
are out trying to compete in the professional market without any experience or the level of professionalism you’d expect.

It can be tough for a client to navigate these waters especially when they don’t know what questions to ask or how to identify a talented, experienced, professional DJ.

Often, the client knows what they like when they hear it, but as they start looking for a DJ they begin to realize that they don’t know how to articulate what exactly they need or the style they want.

The style of my company is unique:

We bring the best attributes of the Nightclub DJ & the Mobile DJ together. We provide the hip style & aesthetics of a club DJ (without the attitude or flake factor) and marry it with the professionalism and etiquette that is typically expected from a Mobile DJ. (Without the cheesy factor)

Here is some basic advice:
Before I contract any job I prefer to meet with the client so we can both get a feel for each other and see if we are on the same page or have any chemistry. I think it’s important to have good level of comfort with your vendors, which allows you to relax the day of the event and it usually allows us to have a stronger performance.

You can learn a lot from a meet & greet with a potential DJ.

• Are they able to meet you on time?
• Are they organized and prepared?
• Can they articulate their style and way of doing things?
• Do they listen to you and take your input?
• Do they seem like they could relate to your guests?

I believe in going with your gut so if you genuinely like the vibe of someone then put them to the top of the list but remember that no matter how great someone seems during a meeting you still don’t know if they understand how to program a room properly or create a smooth flow of energy with their music selection.

Ask to hear sample mixes of their work or even better if they are playing someplace locally where you can audit their performance.

Lee Dyson
Hey Mister DJ

# 9 of 9 Wedding Truths To Keep In Mind

2008-07-09T13:37:00.000-07:00

You are a couple. Laugh your heads off.

# 8 of 9 Wedding Truths To Keep In Mind

2008-07-07T01:16:00.000-07:00

You are a couple. Remind each other of your love.

# 7 of 9 Wedding Truths To Keep In Mind

2008-06-03T22:10:00.000-07:00

You are a couple. And your family members are consistent. No one is going to change. Be prepared for all those old familiar buttons being pushed.

#6 of 9 Wedding Truths to keep in mind

2008-05-28T12:28:00.000-07:00

You are a couple. Your shared attitude + skill is your key to reducing frustration.

# 5 of 9 Wedding Truths To Keep In Mind

2008-05-24T13:14:00.000-07:00

You are a couple. Whatever challenges one of you may encounter see them as being shared by the two of you.

# 4 of 9 Wedding Truths To Keep In Mind

2008-05-22T00:00:00.000-07:00

You are a couple. You are each other’s home. And from that place of home, you may have to have conversations with family or friends that are “sticky.” Keep the following in mind:

• do not keep things bottled up inside

• speak from a place of “I”—do not begin with “you this” and “you that”

• do not accuse, do not yell, do not be sarcastic

• make it safe for you and the other--ask if you can talk with them about the issue that is troubling you

• speak assertively—not aggressively

• resist becoming defensive--take responsibility for your share of the situation without assuming a posture of guilt

• make sure you are speaking about the “right” issue—is it a particular experience or is it a pattern of behavior you need to address? Is it a specific incident or the feelings that incident aroused in you?

• focus on what it is you want from the conversation—is this person capable of giving you want you want?

# 3 of 9 Wedding Truths To Keep In Mind

2008-05-20T10:20:00.000-07:00

You are a couple. Again I say—establish boundaries. You are no longer a child. You are not a pair of children playing house. People owe you respect. Do what is needed to receive that respect.
• say “no” when needed
• understand you cannot please everyone
• respect your right to feelings
• recall that you cannot change anyone
• refuse to be taken advantage of

#2 of 9 Wedding Truths To Keep In Mind

2008-05-18T22:53:00.000-07:00

You are a couple. You are not victims. Take responsibility for your wants, needs, wishes, feelings, choices. All of these have consequences. With courage, embrace these responsibilities and consequences. This is the only way you can honor and protect each other.

# 1 of 9 Wedding Truths To Keep In Mind

2008-05-15T01:17:00.001-07:00

When I meet with a couple a week or so before their wedding, I usually find them to be both excited and exhausted. They’re excited because “the” day is near at hand. And they’re exhausted because of all the demands, challenges, and stress they never imagined they would encounter during the planning of their “big day.”

In the hope of helping you reach the end of your planning a little less dazed and confused, let me remind you of some truths worth not losing sight of. . .

You are a couple. Protect each other. Is your mother or some other family member or friend complaining about “that person” you’re marrying? The time to set boundaries is now—not after your wedding. Remember—we train people how to treat us. And “train” is not too strong a word.

Advice from a couple

2008-05-07T20:34:00.000-07:00

More advice from Jessica. . .

4) Always listen to your gut! For example, if that dress you're trying on gives you
second thoughts but all your girls are saying that's the one. Pass!!!

5) Most importantly. FOCUS ON WHAT'S TRULY IMPORTANT! When you're
stressed, overwhelmed, and thinking of seeking the help of a professional (and by
professional I mean psychiatric counseling), remind yourself of the things that
really matter. It's not the flowers, the cake or the catering. It's the people. The
people in your life who will share this day with you. More than that it's the reason
all this is happening in the first place. It's the love. It's the vow and the
promise to give your all to this person you have deemed worthy enough of sharing the
rest of your life with. When all is said and done it's the marriage not the wedding
that counts most.

All these tips come from my heart. They are things that either proved helpful to me
or are things I wish I had been told. Ladies, best of luck AND FOR PETE'S SAKE HAVE
FUN!

Advice from a couple

2008-04-28T12:50:00.000-07:00

Here's some wonderful advice from Jessica, who was married last November.

Alright ladies, I'll give it to ya straight. There is simply nothing I or
anyone else can tell you that will keep you from going insane while
planning your wedding. In fact, If you ask me, planning a wedding is an
act of insanity in and of itself. So if you considered yourself a
relatively stable person previous to this endeavor, well, that's all over
now. Your only hope is to have this descent into crazy land accompanied by
the knowledge that if it meant the same man would be waiting for you up
that aisle, you'd do it all over again.

With that said, I do have a few tips that might just get you out alive!

1) First and foremost, make it a point of pride not to become a "Bridezilla". It's
so very cliched, not to mention obnoxious.

2) Don't have a rock solid, live or die, image in your mind of how something must
turn out. It will only make it all the more upsetting if something should go wrong.
And something always goes wrong. Just have a good idea and a good plan, and hope for
the best.

3) Delegate,Delegate,Delegate! Bridesmaids, groomsmen, moms, dads, sisters, brothers, that
weird guy standing in the kitchen! Give em' all jobs!!! Seriously, assign smaller
tasks to people you trust. For instance, have Aunt Mitzy make sure all the wedding
favors are properly placed out. That way your head isn't swirling with a trillion
things on the Big Day and you can focus on you!

True story. . .

2008-04-20T22:10:00.000-07:00

A bride recently shared with me that she loves her partner not because he is her life, but rather because he gives her life. He gives her the courage to embrace her self—her life—and invites her to dare and create a life with him.

In the early days of dating she wondered why he wanted to be with her. Two years ago, when he proposed, she quickly said “yes,” and then more intently began to wonder why he would want to spend his life with her.

She told me that as she navigated through her self doubts, the great gift he gave her was to help her see that these doubts were just lies she told herself. He helped her to see more clearly and freely the person she was in that moment in her life. He helped her envision who she wanted to become.

He couldn’t live life for her. He could, though, help her embrace life with confidence—a confidence that comes from recognizing her strengths and acknowledging her weaknesses.

And in the learning to see herself with a new clarity, she was able to see that she, too, gave her fiancé life—in ways that he had never experienced before.

Lovely—I know. And in the grind of our daily lives, this is so demanding. Yet, is this not what "I Do" is all about?

2008-04-17T17:08:00.000-07:00

How shall we know ourselves, except in the clarifying mirror of some other gaze?
Mark Doty

The sweetness and whimsy of this moment was captured by Aaron Delesie. Aaron is a favorite of mine, especially for his keen eye that is both playful and utterly romantic. You can enjoy more of his work and read his own wedding musings by visiting his blog delesieblog.com

Advice from a couple

2008-04-15T12:41:00.000-07:00

Anna & Adam had the challenge of planning their Los Angeles wedding while still living on the East Coast. Their advice is great for anyone--whether you're planning a local wedding or a destination one.

My fiancé and I planned our Los Angeles wedding from the East Coast. We gave ourselves a year and a half to plan, which felt like just the right amount of time. The best advice I can tell anyone planning a long-distance wedding is to value word of mouth. My parents and brother still lived in Los Angeles at the time, and whenever they went to a local wedding they would get the name and contact information of a vendor they thought was good. We found our photographer, DJ, string trio, and officiant (JP Reynolds) all via word of mouth!

Also, don't hesitate to get your friends and family involved in helping out with hands-on things. Almost everything at our wedding was made possible by the help of someone we knew (cake, flowers, centerpieces, favors, decorations). Because of this, everything felt personal and special. Plus, the people who helped were honored that we asked them to participate in our planning, and we were honored that they agreed to help.

Finally, we couldn't have kept track of all the planning without the help of TheKnot.com. They have some wonderful planning tools that help keep everything manageable. If you are planning your wedding on your own, we recommend that you get started as soon as possible and use a wedding planning website! Good luck and don't forget to have fun!

---Anna Modecki and Adam Fuchs

Advice from an event planner

2008-04-11T19:20:00.000-07:00

When I invited Maryam Forutan to share her thoughts on wedding planning, she shot back an e-mail within an hour. She told me that the following is the most important advice she offers each of the couples who plan their wedding with the help of her company, Delicate Details. Maryam is known for creating warm, gracious, sensuous weddings. . .and so she knows of what she writes!

When planning your wedding, remember that this day is about you and your fiancé. It is about everything that makes you both happy. Unfortunately, you may not always be able to satisfy others...but as long as you are true to your dreams and your vision, your wedding day will be perfect!

So often many brides and grooms get consumed in trying to make everyone else happy that they loose focus on what really matters. In other words, your wedding day is about the beautiful union of your love and commitment...not about which side dishes your guests will prefer or the comfort of the cushions on the chairs. Each and every person at your wedding should be there because they love you and are thrilled to be a part of your special day!

To learn more, please visit Maryam at Delicate Details

True story. . .

2008-04-08T19:02:00.000-07:00

A couple came to my home for an initial consultation. We met in my living room. The bride and I were in animated conversation, while the groom tried his best to look interested. Then, out of nowhere, he interrupts and asks me: “great TV—do you mind if I ask how much?”

The bride became annoyed that he hadn’t been paying attention to what she was saying to me; and the groom became annoyed that she was annoyed over “nothing.”

You’ve got to love it!

As I've written in previous posts, good listening goes a long way to reducing the stress of wedding planning.
So, here are my. . .

5 tips to help you listen in a kinder way

1. Get rid of all distractions. Yes, turn the TV off and agree not to answer any phone call. Don’t let your eyes or your mind wander. You’ll have time for all those other things later.

2. Listen openly, without becoming defensive, even if you don’t readily agree with what your partner is saying.

3. Don’t interrupt or finish each other’s sentences.

4. Ask your partner to explain what he means, she means if you don’t understand his thinking or her take on things.

5. Let your non-verbal cues, i.e. the look in your eye, the movement of your head and body, show that you care about and are interested in what your partner has to say.

Advice from a couple

2008-04-05T19:51:00.000-07:00

Vegas, baby! That is what good meaning friends told me when I announced Gary and I were engaged. “Why spend all that money and time on a huge wedding” they asked. Well, we learned that you don’t have to spend a fortune to have a meaningful and memorable day.

What my fiancée and I found helpful was deciding what the most important priorities were for us. For me it was the venue and date, for him it was the music. We then stuck to our priorities and let the other typical wedding elements be accommodated only where possible. For example, we spent more money on the band than we had originally budgeted but we scaled back on our flowers and centerpieces because those were not as important to us. What we saved by skipping the videographer we put into a better photographer than we otherwise could have afforded. And don’t tell anyone but our cake came from a grocery store bakery!! Where you cut back is up to you.

Collaborating with and delegating tasks to your family and trusted friends will also ease the pressure on you and make for a more meaningful day for everyone. If you find a way to balance all of the pressures around you will find that your day will be more beautiful and fun than you expected. Spending your special day with loved ones, family and friends will create memories that you and they will never forget, whatever size wedding you manage to have.

Leave Vegas for the cynics, baby!

Trish & Gary

Advice from a couple

2008-04-02T17:25:00.000-07:00

I've been privileged to celebrate the weddings of some wonderful couples. From time to time I will invite a couple to share with you their advice, now that they are the married ones--and the craziness is over! Here are 3 tips from Jessica. . .

Make the planning process romantic!
We had so much fun picking out the music. We got the band’s play list and bought a lot of the CDs of our favorite artists. We spent many nights dancing to all of the songs on the play list. When we had to discuss wedding details or family issues, we talked while walking along the beach. Every time we accomplished something big on our list, we celebrated by going out to a delicious dinner. (I can still taste the lobster w/ mango butter sauce.) You’re only engaged for such a short amount of time, go out of your way to create positive memories that will last a lifetime.

Practice your vows in your head weeks before the day of your wedding!
I would lie in bed and stare up at the ceiling and visualize how I wanted the wedding day to go and how I would start my vows (I actually had an opening joke.) When the day arrived, I was eerily calm. I didn’t concern myself with the last minute details. I knew everything was going to work itself out. When the time came to walk down the aisle I was beaming ear to ear. I could not wait to confess my love for my future husband.

Take care of your vendors and they will take care of you.
I still keep in touch with a couple of my vendors. We really created solid friendships. Every time I sent an email or made a call, I was sure to ask how they were doing. I was gracious and sincere at every encounter and it made such a difference. My florist went above and beyond the call of duty and took care of so many “extra touches” that were not a part of the contract. When I walked around the reception, I was awed by her work. She went above and beyond and it made a world of difference. Everyone did!

2008-03-31T18:35:00.000-07:00

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
George Carlin

This photo was taken by Victor Sizemore. Memorable is the first word that comes to mind to describe Victor's work. He's a classy guy with a keen, intuitive eye. I encourage you to visit him at vcsphoto.com

Simple truths to keep in mind

2008-03-29T21:38:00.000-07:00

a few more thoughts on listening. . .

There is a host of reasons why we don’t listen well to each other. In the whirlwind of our daily lives, the most common reason is that we are just too busy and because we’re busy, we’re tired, and when we’re tired we don’t want to take the effort needed to listen well.

There is another very common reason for why we don’t listen. Do you ever want to listen to someone who is “pressing your buttons?” Why would you want to listen to someone who enjoys tossing out phrases such as:

What’s wrong with you?
Why don’t you ever listen to me?
You always. . .
You never. . .
Know what you should do?

The truth is that we don’t listen to people who complain, whine, nag—people who press our buttons. We simply tune them out.

You and your partner have been together long enough to know exactly how to press each other’s buttons. So, why do it now as you’re planning for your wedding?

You know that you have more than enough people in your lives who are fighting for a chance to press your buttons.

True story. . .

2008-03-26T00:54:00.000-07:00

“Is there anything you know you do want or anything you know you don’t want in your wedding ceremony?” is one of the first questions I ask a couple. When I recently asked this question, the bride smiled (sort of) and said:
“we were supposed to talk about this stuff on the ride over here but he (the groom) was too busy taking calls from work—so, we don’t know what we want.”
She actually seemed more resigned than angry. After all, that’s what life is like for all of us these days. . .

Blackberries. Trios. Text messages. I.M. Email. Voice mail. We do business and live our lives in a swirl of information. Yet, how often are we actually communicating, listening?

It’s been said that
listening is the greatest act of love.

If so, then the greatest thing you can do for each other, while planning your wedding (and beyond), is to listen to each other.
And how you listen to each other now is a sure indication of how you will listen to each other the week after your wedding.

Do you listen to each other?

or, better. . .

Do you feel that your partner listens to you? Really listens?

The Chinese characters for “listen” are:
Ear
Eye
Heart
Undivided attention

Think about it. Isn’t it true that when you really listen to someone, you are not just “hearing” them? You are focused on them—on their face—on their body movement—and on what they don’t say.

So, how good a listener are you?

True story. . .

2008-03-24T13:56:00.000-07:00

I was grabbing dinner at one of my favorite bistros. The staff knows me and brings me “the usual” without my having to ask.
I was lost in a book when I happened to glance up and look across the room. Two tables lined the opposite wall.

At one sat a young couple—20’s—laughing, animated. And at the other table sat an elderly couple—70’s—talking, smiling.
I thought—now here is a snapshot of marriage—before and after.

And except for the wrinkles, little differentiated the older couple from the younger.

Smiling, talking, laughing.
A lifetime of hearty conversation.

Sometimes couples tell me that they’re so busy they hardly have time to talk.
Do you want to reduce stress? Then schedule time to talk—about the important things of your wedding.

Here are 3 conversation starters:

1. Who are your role models for marriage? Why are they models?

2. When people speak of your wedding, what 3 words do you want them to say? What 3 words do you not want them to say?

3. On you 25th wedding anniversary, what would you like to look back upon?

True story. . .

2008-03-21T16:11:00.000-07:00

Last month I met a fellow who is getting married in a Catholic church. Neither he nor his fiancée go to Sunday Mass. They wanted to have an outdoor ceremony. His parents “threw a fit.” They threatened to boycott the wedding. He and his fiancée didn’t want to hurt his parents, so they caved-in. Now they are not happy and they just want to get the whole “thing” over with.

The simple truth is—you are not responsible for other people’s feelings. We are each responsible for our own feelings—and the choices we make based on those feelings.

Brides often tell me of the compromises they’ve made so as to “make peace.” It’s fine to please your mother and go with her choice of table linen. It’s another thing to get married in a church, where you don’t even worship, just to make your parents happy.

Remember--this is your wedding.

This is not your friends’ wedding. It is not your vendors’ wedding. And it certainly is not your parents’ wedding.

While it is good and important to keep others’ feelings and wishes in mind, it is not in your best interest as a couple to be guided by the mantra, “we don’t want to hurt anyone.”

You are not going to please everyone. It is not your responsibility to please everyone. Nor are you responsible for how people react to your choices.

Be true to who you are as a couple and create a wedding that authentically celebrates you.

2008-03-19T11:29:00.000-07:00

From this day forward
You shall not walk alone.
My heart will be your shelter,
And my arms will be your home.

Marianne Williamson

This photo was taken in Malibu by Veronica Puleo. Veronica is classy and intuitive and caps it all off with a great sense of humor. She is a photographer of memories. Click http://www.verofoto.com/karapatrick and enjoy a slideshow of a wedding she captured last November.

True story. . .

2008-03-17T15:54:00.000-07:00

I recently met with a couple who impressed me--they were so in sync with the planning details.

When talking about the vows, I wanted to point out that different religious traditions and denominations have their own unique wording for the vows. As I began to explain this, the groom interrupted and said that they had already checked out the particular wordings and had made their selection.

I was amazed. I’ve never met a groom who was this well-versed. How did he do it?

The bride smiled and told me that while she does most of the initial research on various aspects of the planning, she runs everything by her fiancé.

She said: this is our wedding and I’d never do anything that we didn’t both agree on.

From my perspective this is how a couple should plan for their wedding. Too often a groom will say: whatever she wants is fine with me. That’s cute and in some aspects is probably wise. A wedding, though, is a bride AND groom’s celebration day. It will be a shared memory.

Plan together and I promise that you will reduce stress!

Advice from an event planner

2008-03-14T17:11:00.000-07:00

One of the things I enjoy about officiating weddings is that I get to work with some wonderfully good and creative people. Each week I will invite various vendors to offer their perspective and advice on planning for your wedding.

One of my favs is Michael Willms , an event planner who is wildly creative and generous.

Michael offers some tips on make-up. When planning a wedding, Michael tends to every detail.

Looking Like Yourself - Looking Beautiful Makeup – Not “Made” Up

When getting ready to make your beauty services selection for your wedding day, why not think about your setting and who will be around you, not just what you look like in front of the mirror?
Ask yourself a couple of questions to get centered:

• When is the last time everyone was looking at me all evening?
• When is the last time I wore a formal gown (the lightest color in the room) at a party for 8 hours plus?
• Is everyone really going to be looking at me from across the room all evening?

Yes, they are, and they are going to love it! ..if you make sure you have sufficient well blended make-up to have it work for you.

Take some photos out of magazines that have similar coloration to you with brows/hair/etc. in line with your own complexion. Lay all photos you selected out together and choose the one that best captures what you want your feel to be.

Get a really good professional artist to do a trial face on a day when you can plan to spend the evening with your fiancée if possible. Wear a button front shirt as close to the wedding dress color when you go for trial beauty. It makes it easier to swap out to a hot little dress. Get ready for people to look at you a bit more than usual and get feedback from your baby. Does he love the way you look? He is probably the one you want to look great for, right?

Make sure and take some photos in daylight and with flash at night. See how the shadows work your face from your makeup. Does it look fantastic on camera? If not you may need to keep looking until you find an artist that gets what you want.
Remember, every face absorbs makeup at different paces and different amounts. You will probably be walking the aisle about 1 ½ to 2 hours after your face is done, so do your real looking and inspecting then. You may think you have too much make up on at first – let it absorb a bit before you get too critical.

You want to look pretty when seen up close and from a ballroom away. If your makeup is correct this magic will happen.

http://EntertainmentDesignEvents.com