You're Having A Stripper?!

photo: chelsea patricia

true story

It was six weeks before their wedding and Chad and Lisa (names changed) still had not hired an officiant. Towards the end of our meeting, the conversation turned to Chad’s upcoming Vegas bachelor party weekend.

After Lisa humorously warned him that nothing better happen, he reassured her with these immortal words: “Don’t worry. Nothing’s going to happen even if she goes into the bedroom with me.” She? Bedroom? I’m stunned. Lisa slapped him in the arm.

Seems Chad’s boys told him that they’re going to get him a stripper. He didn’t want a stripper, but how could he tell them that? He didn’t want to ruin their fun and besides, it’s tradition!

That Lisa found out about Chad’s plans while at a meeting to discuss the ceremony, speaks volumes about the quality of their conversations. That he wasn’t able to tell his buddies what he did and did not want, speaks volumes about his ability to assert himself. 

Without being able to express what it is you’re thinking, feeling, wanting, needing, it’s going to be hard to offer an “I Do” that is authentic, confident, and that expresses your willingness to DO all that is implied in that “I Do.”

If you can’t be honest with your partner before your wedding day, there’s no reason to believe that you’ll be able to be honest the day after your wedding day.

Are there things you haven’t told your partner? Topics you’ve been reluctant to bring up? What are you afraid of?  Now’s the time to talk.

The following are questions I think every couple needs to talk about before they exchange their vows. If you’ve not already considered any of these questions, then I suggest you make a date, grab some wine (or ice cream) and surprise, challenge and encourage each other.

ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP

·      Who are your role models for marriage? Why are they models? How realistic a model are they?

·      What are your expectations of each other? Do your expectations make each of you the best you are capable of being?

·      What is your biggest fear for your life together?

·      What are three specific instances where you felt closest to your partner?

ABOUT YOUR WEDDING

·      When people speak of your wedding, what three words do you want them to say? What three words do you not want them to say?

·      Is your wedding day a beginning or a touch point in your life together?

·      What was the most moving wedding you’ve attended?

·      What do you want to be the most joyful moment of your wedding day?

Remember: you protect and keep each other safe when you talk with each other. Really talk—openly, trustingly, from the silly to the serious.

You can’t plan your wedding without talking!

Growing Old Together - In Under 5 Minutes!

Here's a video that is fascinating, odd and poignant all at the same time! 

 It will make you look at your partner in a new way!

 

"Pieces Of My Mother" – A Tribute To Melissa Cistaro

Because this blog is dedicated to my work as an officiant, I typically limit entries to wedding related items. However, this posting is different – it has nothing to do with weddings, but, hey, please keep reading!

My friend, Melissa Cistaro, has her first book published today – a memoir – “Pieces Of My Mother”

This is my tribute to Melissa – Enjoy!

 

On Tuesday, May 5^th, “PiecesOf My Mother,” a memoir by Melissa Cistaro, arrives at bookstores.  Melissa is a friend and so, yes, in a way, this is a shameless plug!  However, I’m writing not just to plug her book.  I’m writing about Melissa because she inspires me and I enjoy nothing better than writing about people who inspire me.

As a child I became a voracious reader – from the Hardy Boys to “David Copperfield.” Early on I became fascinated with writers.  What kind of person could twist words with the slight-of-hand of a magician and so conjure worlds from the almost familiar to the outright exotic?  Although I was a good Catholic boy, I considered nothing more sacred than a book.  I loved the sheer physicality of a book – open the covers and another world tumbles out. 

I never aspired to be a writer, but I very much wanted to be friends with writers.  I wanted to sit in the company of my heroes and “saints.”  When I got to Fordham University I landed my own radio show, “Bluestockings”, where each Thursday night I’d interview poets, novelists and literary folk.  I was mentored by Marguerite Young who at that time had written the longest (1198 pages) novel in English, “Miss McIntosh, My Darling.”  She introduced me to Anais Nin, legendary feminist and diarist.  I believed they lived life differently from me and that somehow they had the eyes to see, the ears to hear and the hearts to feel in ways I didn’t.  

And now, all these years later, here’s Melissa – prettier than Marguerite and far less hedonistic than Anais – a friend with whom I’ve shared many a pot of tea.  She’s so wonderfully “not different” and yet from the ordinary dimensions of her daily life she’s written a memoir of her mother who abandoned her and her brothers and father.  She’s told the story of her anything but ordinary childhood.  This week her book physically appears on bookshelves after more than a decade of writing and rewriting, after having been rejected two score over.  And I am in awe.

I was seduced unabashedly by the romanticism of Marguerite and Anais.  But I know Melissa too well to shroud her in any romanticism.  In the harsh glare of everyday life, I admire her for raising a family, loving her husband and staying true to her children.  I celebrate her for being faithful in giving meaning to what was unfathomable.  I cheer her for slaying dragons and calling a truce with demons, as she offered peace to her childhood memories. 

To find the extraordinary in the ordinary – that is what goes into making us human.  And writers show us how.

Thank you, Melissa!

I'm On "Style Me Pretty" !!

photo: caroline tran

I officiated Robyn + Eddie's wedding last year – 
and now you can see all the details at this

Style Me Pretty link :  SMP

Enjoy!

~JP