What Marriage Can Look Like After 26 Years

I’ve been friends with Anne and her husband, Rob, since they were first dating – and this past August they celebrated their 26^th wedding anniversary!  A while ago I sent out to married friends an email with a list of ten questions regarding marriage.

Most of you reading this blog are in the throes of planning for your wedding and I thought it would be interesting and fun for you to hear what can happen after you’ve walked down the aisle.

The following are Anne’s answers and I hope you’re as moved by them as I was – and as soon as Rob gives me his answers, I’ll post those, too!

Enjoy!

1.  What do you know today about marriage that there was no way you could have known before you got married?

How FUN it is! It is just nice to know that there is someone out there who not only has your back but is actually fun to be with! We laugh a lot.

2.  What three words do you think of when you think of your wedding day?

FUN – FAMILY – LOVE

3.  Why haven’t you gotten divorced?

Really? Why would we ever get divorced? We love each other. Laugh hysterically with each other. Have fun together. Understand each other. We always joke that neither one of us would ever be able to have an affair because we would have to come home and tell each other all about it. Plus- who has the energy?

4.  What three things are you grateful for in your spouse?

So many more than 3 things but if it had to be 3:

·      His complete generosity of spirit. He ALWAYS puts me first (to the point where I have to tell him not to sometimes).

·      He is patient with me.

·      He shows me and tells me that his love for me is unending and grows deeper everyday.

5.  One sentence advice you’d give to a couple planning to get married?

Be each other’s biggest fans. Never put your spouse down to someone else. Talk about problems in private. And forgive each other when things do go that way. The world is hard enough as it is. Don’t make it harder for each other.

6.  What has most surprised you about being married?

How fast it has gone!

7.  How has your partner helped you become who you are today?

This is a really hard one because he has shaped who I am more than anyone in my life. He has given me confidence in myself and given me my strongest identity as a wife and a mother.  Those two jobs are by far the most meaningful experiences of my life. He has supported me in everything I have ever wanted to do and encouraged me to do things I was too afraid to do.

8.  Are you happy you had the celebration you had – or do you wish you had eloped?

Very happy. Except that we didn’t have the celebrant we really wanted. When I see some really great ideas of weddings today I think that it’s cute but we really enjoyed having all of our friends and family together to help us celebrate. That was most important to us.

9.  What did you experience at your wedding that you hope other couples experience at theirs?

LOVE. All kinds of love. Our family and friends and the whole day was filled with love.

10.  In no more than 140 characters sum up your thoughts on marriage!

We have always told our children, “The most important decision you EVER make is who you marry.” They roll their eyes at us because they have heard it so many times. But I think it is the truest thing I know. Rob makes everything in my life better. 

Life has thrown some doozies at us. We have a special needs child who is now an adult. We have had that call from the police for our most mischievous child. We have dealt with illness and death. But there was never a single moment when I felt like we were not a team. Coming home to Rob is the best part of my day and I thank God everyday that He brought him into my life.  (This is more than 140 characters! )

Your Vows – Your Story!

A human life is not a life until it is examined;

it is not a life until it is truly remembered and appropriated;

and such a remembrance is not something passive but active. . .

the creative construction of one’s life.

Oliver Sacks

Occasionally, I like to offer a post that isn’t directly related to weddings BUT is kinda, sorta wedding themed and THIS is one of those “odd” postings!

Earlier in the summer I was an instructor at a three day college essay writing boot camp for seniors at a private high school here in the Valley.  As you may know, part of the college application process requires at least one, sometimes two essays.  The prompts are common to all schools.  Now, I know you’re busy checking out Pinterest and Instagram accounts, but, for a moment, check out some of the prompts that my high schoolers wrestled with:

1.     Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

2.     Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.

3.     Describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you and explain that influence.

4.     Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

5.     Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

6.     The lessons we take from failure can be fundamental to later success.  Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure.  How did it affect you and what did you learn from the experience?

7.     Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea.  What prompted you to act?  Would you make the same decision again?

So why am I sharing these prompts with you?  Well, it occurred to me – I wonder if you and your fiancé know each other’s answers to one or more of the above prompts?  And if you don’t, now may be a good time to share some stories you’ve not told each other before.

Couples come to me wanting a personalized ceremony.  THE way in which to personalize your ceremony is to write your own vows.  I can guarantee that if you know each other’s stories to the above prompts, you will be able to compose vows that are as authentic and as genuine as vows can be!

Happy story time!