Breathtaking Moments

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
George Carlin

This photo was taken by Victor Sizemore.  Memorable is the first word that comes to mind to describe Victor's work.  He's a classy guy with a keen, intuitive eye.  I encourage you to visit him at   vcsphoto.com

How Not To Press Your Partner's Buttons

photo: Ray Soemarsono

a few more thoughts on listening. . .

There is a host of reasons why we don’t listen well to each other. In the whirlwind of our daily lives, the most common reason is that we are just too busy and because we’re busy, we’re tired, and when we’re tired we don’t want to take the effort needed to listen well.

There is another very common reason for why we don’t listen. Do you ever want to listen to someone who is “pressing your buttons?” Why would you want to listen to someone who enjoys tossing out phrases such as:

What’s wrong with you?
Why don’t you ever listen to me?
You always. . .
You never. . .
Know what you should do?

The truth is that we don’t listen to people who complain, whine, nag—people who press our buttons. We simply tune them out.

You and your partner have been together long enough to know exactly how to press each other’s buttons. So, why do it now as you’re planning for your wedding?

You know that you have more than enough people in your lives who are fighting for a chance to press your buttons.

Texting Is Not Communicating!

photo: michelle warren

“Is there anything you know you do want or anything you know you don’t want in your wedding ceremony?” is one of the first questions I ask a couple. When I recently asked this question, the bride smiled (sort of) and said:

“we were supposed to talk about this stuff on the ride over here but he (the groom) was too busy taking calls from work—so, we don’t know what we want.”
She actually seemed more resigned than angry. After all, that’s what life is like for all of us these days. 

Blackberries. Trios. Text messages. I.M. Email. Voice mail. We do business and live our lives in a swirl of information. Yet, how often are we actually communicating, listening?

It’s been said that
listening is the greatest act of love.

If so, then the greatest thing you can do for each other, while planning your wedding (and beyond), is to listen to each other.
 
And how you listen to each other now is a sure indication of how you will listen to each other the week after your wedding.

Do you listen to each other?

or, better. . .

Do you feel that your partner listens to you? Really listens?

The Chinese characters for “listen” are:
Ear
Eye
Heart
Undivided attention

Think about it. Isn’t it true that when you really listen to someone, you are not just “hearing” them? You are focused on them—on their face—on their body movement—and on what they don’t say.

So, how good a listener are you?

The Conversation That Is Marriage

photo: meg smith

I was grabbing dinner at one of my favorite bistros. The staff knows me and brings me “the usual” without my having to ask. I was lost in a book when I happened to glance up and look across the room. Two tables lined the opposite wall.

At one sat a young couple—20’s—laughing, animated. And at the other table sat an elderly couple—70’s—talking, smiling.

I thought—now here is a snapshot of marriage—before and after.  And except for the wrinkles, little differentiated the older couple from the younger.

Smiling, talking, laughing.
A lifetime of hearty conversation.

Sometimes couples tell me that they’re so busy they hardly have time to talk.

Do you want to reduce stress? Then schedule time to talk—about the important things of your wedding.

Here are 3 conversation starters:

1. Who are your role models for marriage? Why are they models?

2. When people speak of your wedding, what 3 words do you want them to say? What 3 words do you not want them to say?

3. On you 25th wedding anniversary, what would you like to look back upon?

How To Resist Emotional Blackmail

photo: michael segal

Last month I met a fellow who is getting married in a Catholic church. Neither he nor his fiancée go to Sunday Mass. They wanted to have an outdoor ceremony. His parents “threw a fit.” They threatened to boycott the wedding. He and his fiancée didn’t want to hurt his parents, so they caved-in. Now they are not happy and they just want to get the whole “thing” over with.

The simple truth is—you are not responsible for other people’s feelings. We are each responsible for our own feelings—and the choices we make based on those feelings.

Brides often tell me of the compromises they’ve made so as to “make peace.” It’s fine to please your mother and go with her choice of table linen. It’s another thing to get married in a church, where you don’t even worship, just to make your parents happy.

Remember--this is your wedding.

This is not your friends’ wedding. It is not your vendors’ wedding. And it certainly is not your parents’ wedding.

While it is good and important to keep others’ feelings and wishes in mind, it is not in your best interest as a couple to be guided by the mantra, “we don’t want to hurt anyone.”

You are not going to please everyone. It is not your responsibility to please everyone. Nor are you responsible for how people react to your choices.

Be true to who you are as a couple and create a wedding that authentically celebrates you.

Being Shelter And Home To Each Other

From this day forward
You shall not walk alone.
My heart will be your shelter,
And my arms will be your home.

Marianne Williamson


This photo was taken in Malibu by Veronica Puleo. Veronica is classy and intuitive and caps it all off with a great sense of humor. She is a photographer of memories. Click http://www.verofoto.com/karapatrick and enjoy a slideshow of a wedding she captured last November.

"I'd Never Do Anything We Didn't Both Plan On"

photo: suthi picotte

I recently met with a couple who impressed me--they were so in sync with the planning details.

When talking about the vows, I wanted to point out that different religious traditions and denominations have their own unique wording for the vows. As I began to explain this, the groom interrupted and said that they had already checked out the particular wordings and had made their selection.

I was amazed. I’ve never met a groom who was this well-versed. How did he do it?

The bride smiled and told me that while she does most of the initial research on various aspects of the planning, she runs everything by her fiancé.

She said: this is our wedding and I’d never do anything that we didn’t both agree on.

From my perspective this is how a couple should plan for their wedding. Too often a groom will say: whatever she wants is fine with me. That’s cute and in some aspects is probably wise. A wedding, though, is a bride AND groom’s celebration day. It will be a shared memory.

Plan together and I promise that you will reduce stress!