Three years
after her wedding, a bride tracked me down.
She wanted me to know that they had a
two-year old son—and that they were getting divorced. The night she conceived, she
knew that the marriage wouldn’t last. . .they never talked. She was afraid to ask anything
of her husband for fear of arguing. She thought that a baby would force them to
talk. The baby didn’t. . .a baby doesn’t
have that kind of power.
The German
philosopher Nietzche claimed that in its essence, marriage is one long, grand conversation.
If marriage is a conversation, do you and your partner enjoy talking
with each other? Are you comfortable just
being together?
When I meet
with couples as they create their wedding ceremony, I give them the following list
of questions—some of which they’ve never asked of each other. Perhaps a few of these
will spark a new conversation between you and your partner.
1. Who are your
role models for marriage? Why are they
models? How realistic a model are they?
2. When people
speak of your wedding, what 3 words do you want them to say? What 3 words do
you not want them to say?
3. Is your wedding
day a beginning or a touch point in your life together?
4. What was the
most moving, most joyful wedding you’ve attended? What do you want to be
the most joyful moment of your wedding day?
5. Is your partner
your life OR does your partner give you life?
6. What makes your
partner worthy of your love? What makes
you worthy of your partner’s
love?
7. What are your
expectations of each other? Do your
expectations make each of you the best
you are capable of being?
8. What is your
biggest fear for your life together?
9. What is your
definition of success? As an
individual? As a couple?
10. On you 25th wedding anniversary, what would you like to look back upon?
Happy Talking!!
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