As I’ve said many times before,
here on this blog, some of the most wonderful people on the face of the earth
are my friends. Not bragging – just a
fact! And I’ve had the good fortune to
officiate the weddings of many of my friends.
A while ago, I sent a questionnaire to friends who’ve been married for
more than five years. I asked each
couple to pick any ten questions (five each) and share their answers here at my
blog.
The reason why I asked these wonderful
people to share their thoughts on marriage and weddings, is that I hoped they
could offer you, the couple in the throes of planning, some perspective on the
whole shebang.
Hanna and Bruce celebrated their 30th
anniversary on October 6th.
They are the first friends whose wedding I officiated. The photo was taken earlier this week, on
their anniversary. The wine goblet was
the chalice used at their service. It
had belonged to my grandmother and was my gift.
So, from the vantage of thirty
married years, here are Bruce and Hanna’s insights on love, weddings and
marriage. . .
Bruce:
Q: Why haven't you gotten
divorced?
A:
Checks and Balances.
Q: What three things are you
grateful for in your spouse?
A:
Love of God, love of others, love of food.
Q: One sentence advice you'd
give to a couple planning to get married?
A:
You must always be grateful for the easy times while being prepared for
the hard times.
Q: What has surprised you most
about being married?
A:
How much I love it, and how much I fear I would miss it.
Q: In no more than 140
characters, sum up your thoughts on marriage:
A:
If marriage was easy and effortless, everyone would do it. It's not.
Marriage is by far the greatest challenge any two people can undertake.
Hanna:
Q: What three words do you think of when you think of your wedding day?
A: Joyful. Unifying. Memorable.
Q: What three things are you
grateful for in your spouse?
A:
He rubs my feet, when I don't even ask.
He showed genuine kindness and devotion to my parents in their declining
years. He knows how I like my coffee and
my gin, and he quenches all my thirsts.
Q: One sentence advice you'd give to a couple planning to get married?
A:
Every so often, ask yourself “What is it like to be married to me?”
Q: How has your partner helped
you become who you are today?
A:
Here's an illustration: For a long time I was content to let Bruce be
the one who made eye contact with the homeless and mentally ill; the man or
woman asking for spare change on the street. He would give what money he had in
his pocket with warmth while I sidestepped the whole encounter. It felt, since
it was “our” money that he was acting on behalf of both of us, and I got a
pass. But you know what? It wasn't enough, and I learned that from him without
him ever saying a word to me about it.
Q: What did you experience at
your wedding that you hope other couples experience at theirs?
A:
A snapshot memory: We left our reception and got into our rented red
Subaru that our nieces and nephews had gleefully decorated with cans and
streamers and the requisite “Just Married” sign. It was a beautiful early
autumn day in Vermont with glorious colors as we drove the 40 miles to where we
would spend the night. I will always remember the smiles, the honks, thumbs-up
from other cars as we drove along. At a stoplight I pulled a flower from my
bouquet and handed it through the open window to someone in a car the next lane
over.
To feel the love and support in
celebration of our marriage from our family and friends was wonderful.
To receive it from total strangers
was a transcendent gift.
