Love doesn’t
sit there like a stone, it has to be made, like bread;
remade all
of the time, made new.
Ursula LeGuin
I recently officiated the wedding
of couple where the bride’s parents were in the midst of divorcing after thirty
years of marriage. I felt for the bride
– and knew that I could not imagine what she must be feeling and
experiencing.
As I prepared for the ceremony, I
found myself thinking about the bride’s parents. I kept wondering – how will they feel? What will they think during the ceremony?
Actually, many of the couples that
come to me were raised by single parents or within blended families. Perhaps that’s true of you and / or your
partner.
I know this might seem like an odd
question – or even an impertinent question, BUT. . . did you ever ask your
parents why they divorced?
AND. . .have you and your partner
talked about what you are going to do in your marriage so as you don’t recreate
the mistakes of your parents?
AND, if your parents are still
happily married, have you ever asked them why?
I suspect their ‘secret’ is not a secret, BUT. . .
Have you and your partner talked
about what you like best in your respective parents’ marriage and what you’re
going to do to recreate it in your marriage?
And if you haven’t asked these
questions, THEN why haven’t you?!
P.S.
And
If you have been married before,
have you and your partner talked about what you learned from that time and
experience in your life?
Have
you talked about how the mistakes you once made are not going to be remade?
The first duty of love is to listen.
Tillich
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