true story (names changed)
Two weeks after my ordination I
officiated my first wedding. Beyond nervous, I was sweating and not just
because it was a scorching New York June afternoon. I got to the church early
to make sure the sacristan turned on the air conditioner (the church windows
were sealed).
The church was packed—both the
bride and groom were Italian and came from big families. Because it was a
church service, the ceremony was slated to last about 45 minutes. I’d rehearsed
everything in my head at least a dozen times. I was anxious, but even more
excited—this is what I had prepared so many years for.
Twenty minutes into the ceremony, I
was dripping sweat under my robes. I noticed that family and guests were
shifting in their seats. The bride and groom looked antsy.
I panicked. I was convinced that I
was boring everyone, the one thing I’d sworn to myself I would never do. I
feared word would spread that I was nothing more than your typical,
out-of-touch minister. And so, I talked faster. I wanted this wedding to end.
With sweat pouring out of me, I decided to skip a reading; I cut out some
prayers.
Finally, I zapped them with a
blessing and pronounced them husband and wife. Afterwards I hurried back to the
sacristy and there found the sacristan embarrassed and apologetic. Turns out,
he switched on the heat instead of the air conditioner. It was a humid 90
degrees out and we all were trapped in a church that was blasting heat!
All through the ceremony, I thought
I was sweating because I was nervous. I thought the guests were restless
because they were bored. Instead, we were all just ready to pass out from the
heat. Later, at the reception, folks laughed and thanked me for having enough
sense to cut things short. My rep was saved.
From this wacky story, there is one
great truth regarding emotions that I urge you to keep in mind: what we think
influences what we feel AND what we feel influences what we think.
Sanity Saver Questions:
•
What are you telling yourself in terms of how you should and should not feel as
you plan your wedding?
•
Where do these beliefs come from?
•
Are they helping you navigate the stress of planning or are they adding to it?
While emotions are neither “good” nor
“bad,” they can either allow us to react to people and situations in a healthy
way OR they can trip us up and cause us to sabotage our relationships and
plans.
Emotions that prevent us from
acting in a way that is in our own best interest are grounded in some very
irrational thoughts—lies—that we play so often in our heads that we’re not even
aware of them.
While there are many irrational
beliefs we play in our heads, there are four lies that can especially cause you
to experience distress while planning your wedding.
4 Most Common Crazy-Making Lies A Couple Can Buy Into
• You believe that everything must
be perfect in order to be good.
• You believe that your wedding
should involve certain people and elements no matter how uncomfortable they
make you and your partner feel.
• You believe that there are
aspects of the wedding planning that you cannot control and that you must give
in to.
• You believe that you, and you
alone, cause the feelings your family and friends experience during the long
process of planning your wedding.
Buy into one or more of these lies
and you’re destined for debilitating headaches.
In next week’s post, I’ll review
Lie #1!
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