In my last post, I wrote that I
believe the quality of our life is in
direct proportion to the quality of the communication in our life. But, what makes for quality communication?
Well, in simplest terms, I’d say
doing away with game-playing, manipulation and good, old-fashioned b.s. goes a
long way to enhancing the quality of your communication!
And how is that reduction
made? Well, I recently came across an
article, “Marriage Advice: Experts Give Their Most Unexpected Recommendations”
in which various relationship experts offer their tips. I was intrigued by two in particular and I
think they’re especially relevent as you go through the emotional
roller-coaster of planning for your wedding:
Psychologist Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., author of “Marriage Rules,” suggests
that you:
Talk less.
“Practice saying difficult things in
three sentences or less, making your point only once in a particular
conversation. When we can’t get through to our partner, we automatically
lengthen our argument and build our case. This won’t help -- and usually hurts.
And we may not recognize that the sheer number of sentences may be the culprit.
"It can be incredibly difficult to say only, ‘Please remember not to
put that knife in the dishwasher,’ or, ‘I feel uncomfortable about how much you
drank at the party,’ and leave it at that. If you go on too long, you’ll
actually protect your partner, who may shut down and vacate the emotional
premises, rather than consider your legitimate criticism and good advice.”
And John Gray, Ph.D., author of the “Mars/Venus” series suggests
that you:
Go to bed angry.
“I shock couples when I tell them
it’s better to go to bed angry than force a make-up before bedtime. When
tensions arise in a relationship, her hormones encourage her to talk more, but
his hormones are designed for fight or flight -- not a good combination when
both of them are already tired. It’s better to let things cool off and tell
your partner you want to talk about it later, even if that means in the
morning.”
While these
suggestions go against what you might have heard, give them a try as they’ll go
a long way in enhancing the quality of your communication.
