The worst that can be said of a person is that
they “did not pay
attention.”
William Meredith
I’m not sure how I came across the
above quote, but it has stayed with me for years. I often quote Meredith in my communication
training seminars since so much of “mis-communication” is about
“mis-perception,” about not paying attention.
So the question for this post is
simply this: do you and your partner pay
attention to each other? Especially now
as you’re planning your wedding?
Like many of the questions I pose
on this blog and in my books, this one seems embarrassingly simple because of
course you pay attention, isn’t that what it means to love someone?!
I’m going to maintain, though, that
it’s easy to stop paying attention without even being aware, not because you’ve
stopped loving your partner, but rather, because you’re so busy. And because you love each other and because
you’re busy, it’s easy to think, “we’ll he knows I love him,” or “she knows
that I support her.”
The thing is, “knowing” isn’t enough. We need to be reassured, especially in times
of stress.
So, how do you let your partner
know that you’re paying attention? What
does your partner need to do in order for you to be reassured that he or she is
paying attention?
Remember: texting conveys info that is brief and to the
point; it doesn’t convey feelings. It’s
not a guaranteed reassurance that you’re paying attention.
On the other hand, simply looking
at your partner and not being distracted with multi-tasking is a great act of
reassurance!
The most reassuring of reassurances
are conveyed in mindful little ways.
