Another "Style Me Pretty" Wedding

photo: sarah k. chen

I love working with KerrieUnderhill––fun couples, inviting venues, and each wedding is a unique vision. . .

I’m delighted that the wonderful crew at Style Me Pretty has highlighted the wedding of Beverly and Nelson, a couple whom Kerry introduced me to and whose wedding took place last year down in Dana Point. . .

Enjoy!

From the Bride… During winter break from university in 2007, we separately planned vacations to Hong Kong to each visit our families. We met on Christmas Eve on a night out with friends through one of my college friends and his sister. Fate must have brought us together halfway around the world, as we learned that we attended the same university! We began dating as soon as we both returned to California. The proposal was in mid-air during hot air balloon ride over Temecula wine country in fall of 2010. As we swooped towards the ground, a huge banner that read “Marry me,” and a beautiful diamond ring was presented to me. Of course I accepted, and the rest of the ride was filled with mimosa toasts and cake. . .continue reading. . .

Reassuring Reassurances

photo: todd johnson

The worst that can be said of a person is that 

they “did not pay attention.”

William Meredith

 I’m not sure how I came across the above quote, but it has stayed with me for years.  I often quote Meredith in my communication training seminars since so much of “mis-communication” is about “mis-perception,” about not paying attention.

So the question for this post is simply this: do you and your partner pay attention to each other?  Especially now as you’re planning your wedding?

Like many of the questions I pose on this blog and in my books, this one seems embarrassingly simple because of course you pay attention, isn’t that what it means to love someone?!

I’m going to maintain, though, that it’s easy to stop paying attention without even being aware, not because you’ve stopped loving your partner, but rather, because you’re so busy.  And because you love each other and because you’re busy, it’s easy to think, “we’ll he knows I love him,” or “she knows that I support her.”

The thing is, “knowing” isn’t enough.  We need to be reassured, especially in times of stress.

So, how do you let your partner know that you’re paying attention?  What does your partner need to do in order for you to be reassured that he or she is paying attention?

Remember:  texting conveys info that is brief and to the point; it doesn’t convey feelings.  It’s not a guaranteed reassurance that you’re paying attention.

On the other hand, simply looking at your partner and not being distracted with multi-tasking is a great act of reassurance!

The most reassuring of reassurances are conveyed in mindful little ways.

Wedding For Two

Wedding for Two from Living Cinema on Vimeo.

Back in March, The New York Times in its Sunday edition profiled a new trend in elopements. . .I was delighted that they highlighted a couple whose wedding I officiated last year.

Carey and Brian got married at The Farmhouse in Los Olivos, just north of Santa Barbara.  The setting was wildly romantic and was made even more sensual through the creative magicof Lisa Vorce and her team.

Curtis Heyne of Living Cinema captured the magic of the day and I’m honored to share the highlight video with you.

Being Silly On A Hot Autumn Afternoon

photo: michael segal

A few weeks ago I officiated a wedding at the Terrranea Resort in Rancho Palos Verdes, CA.  It’s an expansive, gracious venue about forty minutes from LAX.  Since I’d arrived early for the wedding, I found a table on the patio outside the lobby where I could check-up on email and messages.

A few chairs away from me sat a couple (early thirties) playing cards.  Coronas were on the table and I spotted wedding rings on each of them.  They were laughing and being silly, looking like a couple of kids having fun on a Fall afternoon.

At one point, the guy’s phone rang.  He glanced at it but then ignored it, took a swig of beer and went back to the cards.  The woman said something, swatted him on the arm and he cracked up. 

What most struck me was just how relaxed they looked––how affectionately “at one” they were in their relaxation.  They were lost in their own world and seemed beyond delighted to be there!

Rose Franken, a popular writer from the mid-last century, once observed that, “Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly.” 

What about you and your partner––can you be silly with each other?!

Real Love Is Only What You Give

photo: ryan brenizer

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What my marriage taught me is that real love is only what you give. That's all. Love is not "out there," waiting for you. It is in you. In your own heart, in what you are willing to give of it. We are all capable of love, but few of us have the courage to do it properly. You can take a person's love and waste it. But you are the fool. . .Love is joy. Those who love, no matter what indignities, what burdens they carry, are always full of joy.

 Recipes for a Perfect Marriage

I recently came across this quote and presumed it was another sappy sentiment on love and commitment, but I stopped when I read the phrase, “You can take a person’s love and waste it.”  I’ve never really thought about how I could “waste” someone’s love.  I suppose I’ve focused on how a person could waste my time but not how I could waste their love.

What does it mean to waste a person’s love?  Kind of a no-brainer question, but still I’ve been reflecting on it.  The dictionary definition for “waste” is:  to use, consume, or spend thoughtlessly or carelessly; to pass without being put to use.

If you think about it, at the heart of your vows is the promise not to waste each other’s love––not to treat each other thoughtlessly or carelessly and to always put the love your partner offers you to good use.

I like that notion of actually putting each other’s love to good purpose.  While love makes no demands, in order to experience love fully you have to believe that you’re worthy of love.  And to receive the love of another person is to feel energized.  If you feel loved, then you have to feel energetic in wanting to do some good, to make less bruised this crazy world of ours.

Love is always offered in a spirit of hope––hope that despite whatever messiness there is in the beloved’s life, she or he, because of our love, will be able to make sense of it all and create a meaningful life.

To believe in your partner’s love is to believe that their love speaks truth to any of your fears.

If you waste your partner’s love, you’re wasting an opportunity to become more fully you and so it is true for your partner and your love.

I think that in this exhausting world of ours, to love mindfully and generously is a wildly brave thing to do.  So go wild!

A "Style Me Pretty" Kind Of Wedding!

photo: vcsphoto.com

I had the honor of officiating Judy’s and Justin’s wedding this past March and today their celebration is wonderfully profiled on Style Me Pretty!

I love what I do because I get to work with some of the most generous and talented people you’ll ever find––and we all get to work together by collaborating on weddings for some of the most genuine and loving couples you’ll ever find!

Take a moment to read Judy’s andJustin’s story, take a look at their photos and you’ll understand what I mean. . .

Justin and I first met on July 11th (1 day before my birthday and 2 days after his!) My best friend and I just wanted to go out the two of us and grab a couple of drinks at a local bar and dance. I really wasn’t looking to dating anyone I was really happy being single and starting a new chapter in my life as a college grad. While my best friend and I were hanging out having a drink and enjoying good music a guy comes up to us and asks “What’s up, can I buy you two a drink.” We both looked at each other and said sure. My best friend told the guy (Justin) that it was my birthday the next day and he said no way mine was 2 days ago! We instantly had something in common and it just felt comfortable. Justin took us to his friends and I happen to know one of his friends from a bunch of college classes and another from high school…SMALL WORLD! We ended up dancing the night away together. At the end of the night he told me it would be an awesome birthday gift to get my number (haha cheesy, but so cute!) of course I gave it to him and he texted me “Had a great time with you, get home safe.” I thought that was sweet. We ended up hanging out the next day which was my birthday and the rest is history! Justin and I would talk on the phone for hours there was never an awkward silence or a dull moment. We are truly best friends. I remember telling friends that the next guy I fall in love with will be my husband and that came true!

continue reading. . .

I'm On The Huffington Post!

photo: aaronyoungphotography.com

Although it’s been a while since I blogged here, I have been busy writing.  One of my goals for this year was to have a posting published on The Huffington Post and I’m thrilled to say that this month I became a blogger in the Weddings Section!

The post is titled:  The Two Most Common Lies Couples Buy Into When Planning Their Wedding

Enjoy!

I recently met with a couple to finalize their ceremony.  When I asked how they were doing, Meredith, the bride, sighed, “Well, we’re not as happy as when we first met you.  We’re just so tired of dealing with people––we want it to be over!”

You don’t need me to tell you that planning a wedding is a wild, wacky emotional roller coaster ride.  But here’s the thing about emotions.  Emotions can either allow us to react to people and situations in a healthy way OR they can trip us up and cause us to sabotage our relationships and plans. 

What we “think” influences what we “feel.”

Emotions that prevent us from acting in a way that is in our own best interest are grounded in some very irrational thoughts—lies––we play so often in our heads that we simply accept them as true, even though they’re not.    

There are two common “lies” couples tell themselves while stressing with wedding planning.  Buy into them and your emotions quickly get out of whack.

Continue reading. . .