Perfection vs. Magic

Yesterday I officiated the wedding of Alicia and Joel. The ceremony was scheduled to start at 4 PM. By 3:30 the DJ had not arrived. Crunch time. Joel remained calm, though clearly worried. The best man put in a call and the DJ finally called back at 3:45. He said he was running late and that he’d be at the venue in 15 minutes. 4:00 came round and still no DJ. Joel was still calm—Alicia would walk down the aisle to music! The DJ finally showed at 4:30 and the ceremony began at 5:00.

I thought it was remarkable that throughout it all no one panicked. Joel and Alicia were determined that no one and no thing would ruin the joy, excitement, and fun of their great day.

While waiting, guests were served cocktails and had a grand time mingling and meeting-up with old friends and family.

Everyone acknowledged that glitches happen. This was one more thing that would be added to the stories told years from now.

This is what I think is the difference between a “perfect” and a “magical” wedding. Perfection strives to impress. Magic strives to remember what is most important—love, loyalty, family, friends, and the good hearts and wills with which they surround a couple.

Alicia and Joel’s family and friends brought more music with them than any DJ could offer.

Rings are an ancient symbol
blessed & simple;
round like the sun,
like the eye,
like arms that embrace.
Circles,
for love that is given
comes back round & round again.
Therefore, may these symbols remind you
that your love,
like the sun, illumines.
That your love,
like the eye, must see clearly.

And that your love,
like arms that embrace
is a grace upon this world.

What to do with Your Traveling Guests
part 2

More from Tobey Dodge


When it comes to giving directions to the rehearsal dinner and the wedding
ceremony/reception, some details really make the difference in your guests
comfort level and enjoyment quotient.

A few annotations to the google map or mapquest info is always a big help.
Make sure you have personally driven the route/s your guests will most likely be taking to make sure if there are any guideposts or difficult areas to understanding the traffic lights or signs. Let the virgin driver to the
area know about the two way stop signs, round-abouts, and narrow or windy roads ahead of time. Often these quaint places chosen for the wedding and rehearsal dinners are off the beaten path tucked away in the nooks and
crannies of a romantic hideaway village.

It's good to have an emergency number of someone with a responsible nature to call for a damsel in distress or a missing uncle who changed trains or planes and didn't tell someone in time during the wedding weekend.

Most importantly as a bride and groom, remember that you can't make everyone happy at the same time. There are bound to be some loveable nut cases in every group that will never be satisfied, no matter how much pre planning you do.

Soo, keep in mind that the way to spend the most time with your guests on the wedding day is to take the majority of your photos with both the bride and groom, family, and irresistible friends before the ceremony if possible. Have water, light snacks, and a place to sit for the extended family and wedding party during the pre ceremony prep hours so there will be no shrinking violets or grumpy groomsmen to contend with while taking photos before the ceremony.

Weddings often take on a secondary role as a family reunion too. So leave enough time in the wedding weekend for informal "get togethers" with distant relatives if you like. Weddings are often a time to renew old friendships and make new connections with the new (in-law) family too.

Don't expect the over 60 crowd to stay until the last note is sung, even if they were disco dance champions in the 70's. They had a great time, but something on or in their bodies starts to talk back after about 6 hours of eating, drinking, and dancing, so don't take their actions as a barometer of your wedding in anyway. The later everyone shows up to the brunch is a good indication of whom had spent the most time at the bar and on dance floor the night before.

Hopefully, you will be able to take a deep breath and get a good night sleep the next day, giving you some reflective moments before you leave for the honeymoon.

Smiles,
Tobey Dodge

Tobey Dodge is a wonderful event coordinator--gracious, competent, with a great sense of humor--a rare combination! Here she offers some advice on what to do with out-of-town guests, an often overlooked aspect to wedding planning

What to do with Your Traveling Guests

Over the last 20 years I have seen my share of destination weddings, both in
town when most guests are from out of town or when most everyone is going out of town to a distant location. Often brides try and figure out
activities that the traveling guests will enjoy from the minute they
touch down on the tarmac to the last dance of the wedding night. The guests
are often picked up by limo or shuttle and whisked away to the hotel or
resort where they are staying.

The logistical juggling act begins when the bride and groom attempt to drop
gift bags off to the designated hotels while simultaneously attending the
carefully choreographed events as the guests trickle into town on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday before the wedding. So keep in mind that families do vary in their attitudes of how much hand-holding they want to do for their nearest and dearest of kin.

If you have special needs guests, or want to have a hang loose kind of
weekend, it's best to let your traveling guests know that ahead of time so
no one has made assumptions in either direction on what to expect or is
expected to be taken care of during their stay.

Some brides might say, "Well there are only 20 guests coming from out of
town, they can find their own way". After all, there is GPS, Mapquest etc.
to get you where you are going nowadays". To tell you the truth, It really
doesn't matter if the wedding is for 40 or 400, you have the same steps to
take in preparing for their (guests) arrival and activities. The trick here,
is to figure out a balance between letting them wander the woods of Vermont and camp out with the bears to practically wrapping the guests in swaddling from the airport ramp to their wedding dinner table seating assignments.

Even if you have globe trekkers for family and friends, everyone enjoys
being taken care of to some degree for a special event like a wedding. You
can always post on a wedding website the possible options for the guests to
take advantage of during their stay with telephone numbers for their own
scheduling needs. When you get into golf games and tennis matches, you are
opting to add layers of administration and logistics to the weekend. It's
best to assign someone other than immediate wedding party members to do the grunt work to make those kind of activities a reality without too much fuss or muss.

Smiles,

Tobey Dodge

vcsphotography.com

Love, I think, is a gateway to the world, not an escape from it.
Mark Doty

I recently met with a couple who invited me to have a pizza as we finalized the ceremony details. The groom reminded me that it was going to be 90 degrees the afternoon of the outdoor ceremony. He insisted that we keep it barebones short. A cloud came over the bride’s face. She was Roman Catholic and her family already was upset that she wasn’t getting married in the Church. She wanted a ceremony that wasn’t rushed. The groom dove into his pizza and the bride dabbed the tears hovering in her eyes. I asked the bride to tell her fiancé her concerns. He put his pizza down and listened. He was surprised and then admitted he’d forgotten so much of what she had just expressed. In the weeks leading up to this final meeting, he hadn’t really listened to her—not with his ears; not with his eyes.
Stress increases when a bride and groom don’t fully listen to each other. Good listening is one of the surest ways to prevent stress from beginning.
I’ve observed that by the time a couple begins planning for their wedding, they’ve developed patterns of listening and not listening to each other. The planning process is going to test just how good those rituals are.
Stressed with work, couples rely on trusted technology to get things done. However, getting things done is not the same as listening. Listening doesn’t happen with the click of a “send” button. Listening demands “seeing”—what the other is saying, as well as not saying.
If a bride and groom don’t listen to each other, confusion quickly moves in. I see this when I meet with couples—those who’ve listened to what each wants and those who’ve not. With those who have been listening, there’s a lighthearted tone to our conversation. And with those who haven’t, there are many awkward moments that I need to smooth over. Are you listening to each other? Are you satisfied with the quality of listening?

Couples will often ask me if I can recommend readings. Well, here is a reading that a couple recently used at their ceremony. I love it!


REMEMBERING YOUR HEART

On cold winter nights, love is warm.
It lies between you and lives and breathes
and makes funny noises.

Love doesn't like being left alone for long.
But come home and love is always happy to see you.
It may break a few things accidentally in its passion for life,
but you can never be mad at love for long.

But love makes you meet people wherever you go.
People who have nothing in common but love
stop and talk to each other on the street.

Throw things away and love will bring them back,
again, and again, and again.
But most of all, love needs love, lots of it.
And in return, love loves you and never stops.

Falling in love is like owning a dog
an epithalamion by Taylor Mali