It’s easy to get lost in your “own” world while planning your wedding. And in that world, often times, things can get distorted, much like those weird mirrors in a fun house. Here are Ten Questions to get you thinking about the “mirrors” in your world:
1. Do you think that if your partner does something that upsets you, it’s because he or she deliberately wants to hurt you?
2. Do you see how and where you can be wrong in a discussion?
3. In a discussion, do you look for ways to disprove what the person is saying?
4. Are you familiar with your partner’s culture, family, religion?
5. Do you think the world revolves around you? (okay—loaded question!)
6. Do you often use the phrase, “I know how you feel?”
7. If there’s a 50% chance of rain, do you think it’s going to rain?
8. Do you believe that every problem has a solution?
9. Do you often use the phrase, “What’s the use?”
10. Are you able to see the wedding planning from your partner’s p.o.v.?
If you answered, “yes” to any of the odd-numbered questions, and “no” to any of the even-numbered ones, then most likely you will feel frustratingly challenged as you deal with the foreseen and unforeseen issues that unexpectedly pop up during planning!
Years ago my brother found a neon clock from “Alexander’s,” a NYC department store that went out of business decades ago. It was our grandmother’s favorite store. Peter gave it to me as a Christmas gift.
I hung it in my dining room, lower to the floor. The placement gave it that “artsy” feel. A few months later, the neon burnt out and I took it to a repair shop. A couple of weeks went by and I got a call from the owner. He had set the clock against the wall and his toddler son came along and dropped a toy car on top of it.
The plastic rim now had a hole in it. It couldn’t be repaired. When I brought it home, it didn’t look good in its old spot as the hole was glaring. Irritated that it was ruined, I stored it in a closet—until a friend suggested I place it high up on the wall, so no one could see the hole. So simple.
Why hadn’t I thought of moving the clock from a very low to a very high spot? Because I was so fixated on the old spot and on its imperfection. And I think this is the biggest challenge while planning a wedding—to look up when you’re fixated on looking down!
Here are five simple things you can do to look “higher.”
A. You made the choice to hold a wedding celebration out a place of joy, celebration, and gratitude. Each week remind each other of the “why” of that choice.
B. Giving up on a problem or challenge that is crimping your wedding planning obviously will solve nothing. Select a problem that you’re obsessing over. Can you look at it from another angle? Think of it as a mystery to be cracked open and not as an insurmountable obstacle.
C. There’s more to life than planning a wedding. Make time to enjoy what you enjoy doing—individually and as a couple. Spending time on non-wedding fun will help clear your head and refresh you when you return to dealing with wedding issues.
D. Make time to offer thanks to all the good things and to all the good people that uplift and support you in the planning. Gratitude puts everything into right perspective.
E. Most especially, thank your partner for all things, large and small, that he or she does to make the planning less stressful and more fun for you. Tell your partner what you specifically appreciate.
It’s soooo easy to get lost in our heads, create soap operas and lose sight of what life (i.e. wedding planning) is all about.
However. . .
Staying sane is worth the effort!