It was six weeks before their wedding and Chad and Lisa (names changed) still had not hired an officiant. Towards the end of our meeting, the conversation turned to Chad’s upcoming Vegas bachelor party weekend.
After Lisa humorously warned him that nothing better happen, he reassured her with these immortal words: “Don’t worry. Nothing’s going to happen even if she goes into the bedroom with me.” She? Bedroom? I’m stunned. Lisa slapped him in the arm.
Seems Chad’s boys told him that they’re going to get him a stripper. He didn’t want a stripper, but how could he tell them that? He didn’t want to ruin their fun and besides, it’s tradition!
That Lisa found out about Chad’s plans while at a meeting to discuss the ceremony, speaks volumes about the quality of their conversations. That he wasn’t able to tell his buddies what he did and did not want, speaks volumes about his ability to assert himself.
Without being able to express what it is you’re thinking, feeling, wanting, needing, it’s going to be hard to offer an “I Do” that is authentic, confident, and that expresses your willingness to DO all that is implied in that “I Do.”
If you can’t be honest with your partner before your wedding day, there’s no reason to believe that you’ll be able to be honest the day after your wedding day.
Are there things you haven’t told your partner? Topics you’ve been reluctant to bring up? What are you afraid of? Now’s the time to talk.
The following are questions I think every couple needs to talk about before they exchange their vows. If you’ve not already considered any of these questions, then I suggest you make a date, grab some wine (or ice cream) and surprise, challenge and encourage each other.
ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP
· Who are your role models for marriage? Why are they models? How realistic a model are they?
· What are your expectations of each other? Do your expectations make each of you the best you are capable of being?
· What is your biggest fear for your life together?
· What are three specific instances where you felt closest to your partner?
ABOUT YOUR WEDDING
· When people speak of your wedding, what three words do you want them to say? What three words do you not want them to say?
· Is your wedding day a beginning or a touch point in your life together?
· What was the most moving wedding you’ve attended?
· What do you want to be the most joyful moment of your wedding day?
Remember: you protect and keep each other safe when you talk with each other. Really talk—openly, trustingly, from the silly to the serious.
You can’t plan your wedding without talking!