How To Stay Sane While Planning for Your Wedding!

Monday, April 28, 2008

Advice From A couple

Here's some wonderful advice from Jessica, who was married last November.

Alright ladies, I'll give it to ya straight. There is simply nothing I or
anyone else can tell you that will keep you from going insane while
planning your wedding. In fact, If you ask me, planning a wedding is an
act of insanity in and of itself. So if you considered yourself a
relatively stable person previous to this endeavor, well, that's all over
now. Your only hope is to have this descent into crazy land accompanied by
the knowledge that if it meant the same man would be waiting for you up
that aisle, you'd do it all over again.

With that said, I do have a few tips that might just get you out alive!

1) First and foremost, make it a point of pride not to become a "Bridezilla". It's
so very cliched, not to mention obnoxious.

2) Don't have a rock solid, live or die, image in your mind of how something must
turn out. It will only make it all the more upsetting if something should go wrong.
And something always goes wrong. Just have a good idea and a good plan, and hope for
the best.

3) Delegate,Delegate,Delegate! Bridesmaids, groomsmen, moms, dads, sisters, brothers, that
weird guy standing in the kitchen! Give em' all jobs!!! Seriously, assign smaller
tasks to people you trust. For instance, have Aunt Mitzy make sure all the wedding
favors are properly placed out. That way your head isn't swirling with a trillion
things on the Big Day and you can focus on you!

Sunday, April 20, 2008

How To See Beyond Your Self-Doubts

A bride recently shared with me that she loves her partner not because he is her life, but rather because he gives her life. He gives her the courage to embrace her self—her life—and invites her to dare and create a life with him.

In the early days of dating she wondered why he wanted to be with her. Two years ago, when he proposed, she quickly said “yes,” and then more intently began to wonder why he would want to spend his life with her.

She told me that as she navigated through her self doubts, the great gift he gave her was to help her see that these doubts were just lies she told herself. He helped her to see more clearly and freely the person she was in that moment in her life. He helped her envision who she wanted to become.

He couldn’t live life for her. He could, though, help her embrace life with confidence—a confidence that comes from recognizing her strengths and acknowledging her weaknesses.

And in the learning to see herself with a new clarity, she was able to see that she, too, gave her fiancé life—in ways that he had never experienced before.

Lovely—I know. And in the grind of our daily lives, this is so demanding. Yet, is this not what "I Do" is all about?

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Through The Eyes Of Your Partner

How shall we know ourselves, except in the clarifying mirror of some other gaze?
Mark Doty

The sweetness and whimsy of this moment was captured by Aaron Delesie.  Aaron is a favorite of mine, especially for his keen eye that is both playful and utterly romantic. You can enjoy more of his work and read his own wedding musings by visiting his blog 

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Advice From A Couple

Anna & Adam had the challenge of planning their Los Angeles wedding while still living on the East Coast. Their advice is great for anyone--whether you're planning a local wedding or a destination one.

My fiancé and I planned our Los Angeles wedding from the East Coast. We gave ourselves a year and a half to plan, which felt like just the right amount of time. The best advice I can tell anyone planning a long-distance wedding is to value word of mouth. My parents and brother still lived in Los Angeles at the time, and whenever they went to a local wedding they would get the name and contact information of a vendor they thought was good. We found our photographer, DJ, string trio, and officiant (JP Reynolds) all via word of mouth!

Also, don't hesitate to get your friends and family involved in helping out with hands-on things. Almost everything at our wedding was made possible by the help of someone we knew (cake, flowers, centerpieces, favors, decorations). Because of this, everything felt personal and special. Plus, the people who helped were honored that we asked them to participate in our planning, and we were honored that they agreed to help.

Finally, we couldn't have kept track of all the planning without the help of They have some wonderful planning tools that help keep everything manageable. If you are planning your wedding on your own, we recommend that you get started as soon as possible and use a wedding planning website! Good luck and don't forget to have fun!

---Anna Modecki and Adam Fuchs

Friday, April 11, 2008

Advice From Event Planner Maryam Forutan

When I invited Maryam Forutan to share her thoughts on wedding planning, she shot back an e-mail within an hour.  She told me that the following is the most important advice she offers each of the couples who plan their wedding with the help of her company, Delicate Details.  Maryam is known for creating warm, gracious, sensuous weddings. . .and so she knows of what she writes!

When planning your wedding, remember that this day is about you and your fiancé. It is about everything that makes you both happy. Unfortunately, you may not always be able to satisfy others...but as long as you are true to your dreams and your vision, your wedding day will be perfect!

So often many brides and grooms get consumed in trying to make everyone else happy that they loose focus on what really matters. In other words, your wedding day is about the beautiful union of your love and commitment...not about which side dishes your guests will prefer or the comfort of the cushions on the chairs. Each and every person at your wedding should be there because they love you and are thrilled to be a part of your special day!

To learn more, please visit Maryam at Delicate Details

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

5 Tips To Help You Listen In A Kinder Way

A couple came to my home for an initial consultation. We met in my living room. The bride and I were in animated conversation, while the groom tried his best to look interested. Then, out of nowhere, he interrupts and asks me: “great TV—do you mind if I ask how much?”

The bride became annoyed that he hadn’t been paying attention to what she was saying to me; and the groom became annoyed that she was annoyed over “nothing.”

You’ve got to love it!

As I've written in previous posts, good listening goes a long way to reducing the stress of wedding planning.
So, here are my. . .

5 tips to help you listen in a kinder way

1. Get rid of all distractions. Yes, turn the TV off and agree not to answer any phone call. Don’t let your eyes or your mind wander. You’ll have time for all those other things later.

2. Listen openly, without becoming defensive, even if you don’t readily agree with what your partner is saying.

3. Don’t interrupt or finish each other’s sentences.

4. Ask your partner to explain what he means, she means if you don’t understand his thinking or her take on things.

5. Let your non-verbal cues, i.e. the look in your eye, the movement of your head and body, show that you care about and are interested in what your partner has to say.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Advice From A Couple

Vegas, baby! That is what good meaning friends told me when I announced Gary and I were engaged. “Why spend all that money and time on a huge wedding” they asked. Well, we learned that you don’t have to spend a fortune to have a meaningful and memorable day.

What my fiancée and I found helpful was deciding what the most important priorities were for us. For me it was the venue and date, for him it was the music. We then stuck to our priorities and let the other typical wedding elements be accommodated only where possible. For example, we spent more money on the band than we had originally budgeted but we scaled back on our flowers and centerpieces because those were not as important to us. What we saved by skipping the videographer we put into a better photographer than we otherwise could have afforded. And don’t tell anyone but our cake came from a grocery store bakery!! Where you cut back is up to you.

Collaborating with and delegating tasks to your family and trusted friends will also ease the pressure on you and make for a more meaningful day for everyone. If you find a way to balance all of the pressures around you will find that your day will be more beautiful and fun than you expected. Spending your special day with loved ones, family and friends will create memories that you and they will never forget, whatever size wedding you manage to have.

Leave Vegas for the cynics, baby!

Trish & Gary

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Advice From A Couple

I've been privileged to celebrate the weddings of some wonderful couples. From time to time I will invite a couple to share with you their advice, now that they are the married ones--and the craziness is over! Here are 3 tips from Jessica. . .

Make the planning process romantic!
We had so much fun picking out the music. We got the band’s play list and bought a lot of the CDs of our favorite artists. We spent many nights dancing to all of the songs on the play list. When we had to discuss wedding details or family issues, we talked while walking along the beach. Every time we accomplished something big on our list, we celebrated by going out to a delicious dinner. (I can still taste the lobster w/ mango butter sauce.) You’re only engaged for such a short amount of time, go out of your way to create positive memories that will last a lifetime.

Practice your vows in your head weeks before the day of your wedding!
I would lie in bed and stare up at the ceiling and visualize how I wanted the wedding day to go and how I would start my vows (I actually had an opening joke.) When the day arrived, I was eerily calm. I didn’t concern myself with the last minute details. I knew everything was going to work itself out. When the time came to walk down the aisle I was beaming ear to ear. I could not wait to confess my love for my future husband.

Take care of your vendors and they will take care of you.
I still keep in touch with a couple of my vendors. We really created solid friendships. Every time I sent an email or made a call, I was sure to ask how they were doing. I was gracious and sincere at every encounter and it made such a difference. My florist went above and beyond the call of duty and took care of so many “extra touches” that were not a part of the contract. When I walked around the reception, I was awed by her work. She went above and beyond and it made a world of difference. Everyone did!