true story (names changed)
Rita and Peter were getting married at a 5-star resort in Southern California. They didn’t have a budget because they didn’t need one. Rita’s parents were divorced and her wealthy father was footing the bill for everything. One catch—if she invited her mother, he wouldn’t pay for the wedding.
Rita wanted a fabulous wedding that would blow people away but since her father was paying for it all, what could she do? Her father put her in a seemingly hopeless situation. So, she caved and didn’t invite her mother.
Actually, though, he didn’t put her in a hopeless position. Rita had a choice and she chose to compromise. So as to lessen her guilt, she chose to believe she was caught in a hopeless predicament.
Rita needlessly complicated her life by feeling helpless—and feeling guilty over how she was treating her mom. Of course, she then took her frustrations out on her hapless groom.
What Rita failed to accept was that she freely made a decision. Wrong or right, nice or not, she needed to own her choice and not blame her father.
Here is the third lie that couples play in their heads:
when it comes to the essential aspects of their wedding, they don’t always have a choice.
So often when we say, “I can’t,” what we’re really saying is, “I don’t want to.”
There are many aspects to a wedding where it’s just “easier” to let mom or dad have their way. And that’s fine. But when it comes to the fundamental aspects of the celebration, you and your partner do have choices.
Sanity Saver Questions:
· Where in the planning do you feel helpless?
· Are you really helpless or is it that you don’t want to make hard decisions?
· What would happen if you let go of blaming others and just accepted responsibility for your choices, even if people object to those choices?
Remember: If you choose to go along with family’s desires that go counter to your own, then you don’t have the right to complain. By not speaking up, you are agreeing.