Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Thursday, May 22, 2008
You are a couple. You are each other’s home. And from that place of home, you may have to have conversations with family or friends that are “sticky.” Keep the following in mind:
• do not keep things bottled up inside
• speak from a place of “I”—do not begin with “you this” and “you that”
• do not accuse, do not yell, do not be sarcastic
• make it safe for you and the other--ask if you can talk with them about the issue that is troubling you
• speak assertively—not aggressively
• resist becoming defensive--take responsibility for your share of the situation without assuming a posture of guilt
• make sure you are speaking about the “right” issue—is it a particular experience or is it a pattern of behavior you need to address? Is it a specific incident or the feelings that incident aroused in you?
• focus on what it is you want from the conversation—is this person capable of giving you want you want?
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
You are a couple. Again I say—establish boundaries. You are no longer a child. You are not a pair of children playing house. People owe you respect. Do what is needed to receive that respect.
• say “no” when needed
• understand you cannot please everyone
• respect your right to feelings
• recall that you cannot change anyone
• refuse to be taken advantage of
Sunday, May 18, 2008
You are a couple. You are not victims. Take responsibility for your wants, needs, wishes, feelings, choices. All of these have consequences. With courage, embrace these responsibilities and consequences. This is the only way you can honor and protect each other.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
In the hope of helping you reach the end of your planning a little less dazed and confused, let me remind you of some truths worth not losing sight of. . .
You are a couple. Protect each other. Is your mother or some other family member or friend complaining about “that person” you’re marrying? The time to set boundaries is now—not after your wedding. Remember—we train people how to treat us. And “train” is not too strong a word.