JP REYNOLDS WEDDING BLOG!

How To Stay Sane While Planning for Your Wedding!

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

The Challenge Of Not Hurting Anyone While Planning Your Wedding!


true story (names changed)
Gloria and Sal, a couple in their mid-thirties, hired me to officiate their ceremony at an estate in Santa Barbara. They each had been raised Catholic, but over the years drifted away. They went to Midnight Christmas mass and that pretty much was it.

Both sets of parents were practicing Catholics and they knew that the couple no longer practiced the religion. Although knowing that, both sets of parents told them that if they didn’t get married in the church, they wouldn’t attend the wedding.

At first, Gloria and Sal resisted and then, just a month after hiring me, caved in. They told me that they didn’t want to hurt their parents’ feelings.

They decided to focus on the reception and after-party. Of course, their parents had much to say about that as well since they were jointly paying for it. Eventually, Gloria and Sal just wanted to get their wedding over with so they could get on with their lives.

Here is the fourth lie that couples play in their heads:
they and they alone are ultimately responsible for the happiness of their families and friends on the day of their wedding.

Let me be very clear: No one has the right to emotionally blackmail you. No one has the right to throw ultimatums your way. Family and friends can choose to honor your life and your decisions, or they can choose to place the burden of how they feel upon you and your partner.

If they choose the later, then that’s not love. It’s emotional blackmail. I know this is hard to grasp and accept, but the simple truth is—more times than not, you are not responsible for other people’s feelings.

We are each responsible for our own feelings—and the choices we make based on those feelings.

Brides often tell me of the compromises they’ve made so as to “make peace.” That’s fine, so long as you remember—this is your wedding. I know that a wedding is not only about the couple; it’s also about the families. However, a wedding really doesn’t celebrate the union of two families. Your parents aren’t going to be sharing a bed together! A wedding celebrates the union of two people—you and your partner.

So, when you “make peace” make sure you’re remaining true to you and your partner. Otherwise, you will have no peace. A shared vision is your compass, as it will help you not let the emotions swamp you.

Sanity Saver Questions:
• Where in the planning are you and your partner willing to compromise?
• Where are you and your partner not willing to compromise?
• Are you on the same page, right now, today?

Remember: You’re not going to please everyone. It is not your responsibility to please everyone. You’re not responsible for how people react to your choices.


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