February is National Weddings
Month. Not sure why – perhaps because
Valentine’s Day is “the” day for proposals! And so with a nod to the holiday, here’s a
story in honor of all things wedding.
I was at a Starbucks when I bumped
into Meredith (names changed), a bride whose wedding I officiated four years
ago. Everything that could have gone wrong with her wedding did.
The florist mixed up the flowers
for her bouquet. The musicians were late. The shuttle van from the hotel broke
down and guests were stranded for half an hour. Shortly before the ceremony,
the zipper on her dress broke. The ceremony was delayed more than an hour.
Through it all she remained calm,
not once getting angry. I was in awe and now, finally, I could ask how she did
it. Meredith said, “It was the happiest
day of our life and Patrick (groom) and I decided we wouldn’t let anything ruin
our joy.”
The months leading up to the
wedding were stressful beginning with her dad pressuring them to get married in
the Catholic Church. Since she and Patrick aren’t regular churchgoers, she thought
it’d be hypocritical. Her mother
insisted that she didn’t want anything to do with her ex-husband’s third wife
and didn’t want the woman sitting in the front row even though Meredith’s dad
was paying for the wedding,
At our last meeting before the
wedding, when I asked how they were doing, Patrick said: “Well, we’re learning to say ‘I’m sorry’ to each other a lot faster
than we used to.”
We laughed, BUT he did speak to an
important issue—communication. It’s
because they had a clear vision of their wedding, grounded in months of honest
conversation, that no mishap, however surprising or annoying, was able to ruin
the magic of their dream day.
Over the years I’ve seen the
startling difference between couples who communicate with trust and confidence
and those who are stuck in a rut of complaining and accusing. The former
celebrate their wedding day with sparkling eyes while the later struggle just
to survive the day.
To help all couples who might not
yet have Meredith’s and Patrick’s vision and skill, I wrote an e-book:
The heart of this book is my belief
that the quality of your life is in direct proportion to the quality of the
communication in your life.
This book offers you tips, tricks,
and techniques for communicating in ways that will help you:
·
Resist pressure from family and friends so you
make decisions that honor and reflect you and your partner.
·
Express your emotions without saddling guilt
trips on each other.
·
Argue fairly so you don’t drive each other
crazy.
·
Listen so you can both be on the same page.
·
Sit down and talk about the issues you’ve been
avoiding.
·
Look at challenges from each other’s P.O.V. so
you can solve seemingly unsolvable problems.
In each chapter I ask Sanity Saver
questions to help you and your partner become aware of your communication
strengths and blind spots—individually and as a couple. Sanity Saver quizzes
and activities will also help you and your partner learn how to play off each other’s
strengths and minimize weaknesses.
Threaded throughout are my
reflections and insights on the sweetness and wackiness of weddings, along with
the everyday heroics of marriage.
In honor of National Weddings Month, you can download a free
copy (from the 9th through the 13th) of the book by
simply Clicking Here
Each time you turn to this book I
hope you find a chapter that makes you smile in recognition, sigh with relief
and assure you that you and your partner can protect each other from the
nightmares of wedding planning so as together keep your “I” in your “I Do!”
Enjoy!
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