true story
It was six weeks before their
wedding and Chad and Lisa (names changed)
still had not hired an officiant. Towards the end of our meeting, the
conversation turned to Chad’s upcoming Vegas bachelor party weekend.
After Lisa humorously warned him
that nothing better happen, he reassured her with these immortal words: “Don’t worry. Nothing’s going to happen even
if she goes into the bedroom with me.” She? Bedroom? I’m stunned. Lisa
slapped him in the arm.
Seems Chad’s boys told him that
they’re going to get him a stripper. He didn’t want a stripper, but how could
he tell them that? He didn’t want to ruin their fun and besides, it’s
tradition!
That Lisa found out about Chad’s
plans while at a meeting to discuss the ceremony, speaks volumes about the
quality of their conversations. That he wasn’t able to tell his buddies what he
did and did not want, speaks volumes about his ability to assert himself.
Without being able to express what
it is you’re thinking, feeling, wanting, needing, it’s going to be hard to
offer an “I Do” that is authentic, confident, and that expresses your
willingness to DO all that is implied in that “I Do.”
If you can’t be honest with your
partner before your wedding day, there’s no reason to believe that you’ll be
able to be honest the day after your wedding day.
Are there things you haven’t told
your partner? Topics you’ve been reluctant to bring up? What are you afraid of?
Now’s
the time to talk.
The following are questions I think
every couple needs to talk about before they exchange their vows. If you’ve not
already considered any of these questions, then I suggest you make a date, grab
some wine (or ice cream) and surprise, challenge and encourage each other.
ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP
·
Who are your role models for marriage? Why are
they models? How realistic a model are they?
·
What are your expectations of each other? Do
your expectations make each of you the best you are capable of being?
·
What is your biggest fear for your life
together?
·
What are three specific instances where you felt
closest to your partner?
ABOUT YOUR WEDDING
·
When people speak of your wedding, what three
words do you want them to say? What three words do you not want them to say?
·
Is your wedding day a beginning or a touch point
in your life together?
·
What was the most moving wedding you’ve
attended?
·
What do you want to be the most joyful moment of
your wedding day?
Remember: you protect and keep each other
safe when you talk with each other. Really talk—openly, trustingly, from the
silly to the serious.
You can’t plan your wedding without
talking!
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