However richly inspired by love, marriage is a high wire act
that is usually attempted by two nervous wrecks
who just go for it, reeling with bliss and blind with the hots.
The rest is work, faith, and destiny.
Lear’s Magazine, February, 1991
Marriage is “work” in the best
sense of that word. And, yes, creating a
life with another is an act of faith, BUT, it’s not mere destiny. You create your own destiny as you journey
along to your destination. Here’s why. .
.
true story
The summer after ordination, I was
assigned to a parish on Long Island, New York.
A few days after arriving, the parish secretary, Marie, took me
aside. Distraught, she told me that her
daughter, Clarice, had filed for divorce—just six months after the
wedding. She asked if I would meet with
her and talk some sense into her.
I doubted that Clarice wanted some
stranger to “reason” with her; yet, out of respect for Marie, I agreed. And out of respect for her mother, Clarice
agreed to meet with me.
As soon as I closed my office door,
I reassured her that I had no intention of trying to talk her out of her
decision; but, since we both agreed to meet, we might as well spend fifteen
minutes behind closed doors. I admitted
that it was none of my business, but just out of curiosity, I wondered what had
happened in the span of six months to want her to dissolve her marriage.
Embarrassed, Clarice told me that
she and her husband Frank had dated since high school. They continued on through college. Everyone just presumed that some day they
would marry and once out of college, the pressure was on. She then told me something that I’ve never
forgotten: “We didn’t want to disappoint our families and so we decided to get
married and we just got caught-up in it all.”
Then one day, some six months
later, they realized that while they still loved each other, they had no desire
to spend the rest of their lives with each other.
I don’t tell this story to either
shock or depress you. Rather, I tell it
because it reminds me that during wedding planning it’s so easy for a couple to
just get “swept up” in it all.
As outrageous as it seems, in
planning your wedding it’s easy to lose a sense of who you are, of who your
partner is, and of who you are together.
To use a favorite word of mine,
life can get very whack-a-doo!
SANITY SAVER questions:
·
Do you know what you need and want from
yourself, your partner, and your marriage?
·
Why are you marrying this person? Of all the people you’ve known and dated, why
him – why her?
Can you answer these two questions?
Can your partner?
Do you know each other’s answers?
No comments:
Post a Comment