true story
Years ago, when Meredith, one of my
goddaughters, was just four years old, I playfully asked her if she was “cute”
or if she was “ugly.” She proudly told
me that she was cute. I then asked her
if she was “cute” or if she was “very cute.”
Even more emphatically she told me that she was “very cute.” And then I asked her how she knew that she
was very cute. Looking at me as though I
had just asked the stupidest question she’d ever heard, she said, “my momma
told me!”
The one aspect of relationships that we often overlook is this: the
words we offer to each other are some of the most precious gifts we can
give. Over time we become the words we
receive and give.
Remember when you and your partner
first started dating—how awkward it was in those early weeks when you weren’t
sure how to introduce him or her? “This
is my___?” To have said, “boyfriend” or
“girlfriend” after just a month or two of dating would have seemed a bit too
much. Do you recall, though, the first
time you referred to him as your “boyfriend” or you referred to her as your
“girlfriend?” Didn’t something happen in
the way you saw each other? And again,
when you were able to introduce each other as “fiancé?”
SANITY SAVER activity:
I’d like you and your partner to
take a few minutes, apart from each other, and jot down a list of all the words
that describe who you are individually (not who the other person is):
physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.
Don’t censure yourself. The good,
the bad, the ugly, and the exceptional.
Time yourself for just ninety seconds.
When you’re done, look over the list and consider:
·
How do these words make you feel?
·
How do you know that these words are accurate?
·
How deep down fair are your words?
·
Are there words you didn’t put down? Why?
Now I’d like you and your partner
to swap lists and review. What is your
reaction as you read over your partner’s words?
What surprised you? Is there any
word on your partner’s list you think should not be there? Any word that should be there and they
haven’t written it down? How many of
these words do you say to or about each other?
Do your words build each other up or tear each other down?
Never say anything about yourself you do not
want to come true.
Brian
Tracy
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