Last year I asked friends who’ve
been married ten years or longer to share their thoughts on marriage. To make it easier, I sent them a list of ten
questions and asked that they answer at least five each.
My friends Anthony and Melissa have
been married for twenty years (I think!).
Anthony was quick to respond; and I was waiting for Melissa’s answers
before I posted. However, Melissa is in
the throes of prepping for the publication of her first book, “Pieces of My Mother” which will be published on May 5th. I’m thrilled for her and so, hey, I’m going
to cut her slack and wait until later in the year for her answers!
In the meantime, here are Anthony’s.
. .
My wish for all of you is that 20
years from now, your own answers will be as wonderfully heartfelt!
PS: And if you’re wondering about
the photo – I couldn’t get a photo of Anthony + Melissa, so I decided to go
with one of their youngest child, GianMarco (6) – truly, the apple doesn’t fall
far from the tree!
1.
What do you know today about marriage that there was no way you could have known before you got married?
Well - first
of all, how the marriage will ultimately turn out. Sounds like a truism,
however, I didn't know if I'd get bored with my wife after 10 years, if she'd get
bored with me, if we'd have kids, where we'd end up -- so I'd point to that future
life together, pregnant with possibility and hope and potentially despair, as
a most potent piece of knowledge I did not possess. While marriage recognizes
what already is (as you say), it also commits to what might be in the
future. And for me, looking back, it was important to
bind that commitment to our future
together - wherever we might end up.
2.
What three words do you think of when you think of your wedding day?
"Radiant
in white."
(Sorry - I
was so struck by seeing Melissa in her wedding dress for the first time.)
3. Why
haven’t you gotten divorced?
Because
we've both continued to grow and surprise and support each other.
4.
What three things are you grateful for in your spouse?
(1) Her good
heart; (2) her infinite and abiding love for our children; (3) her (almost)
unconditional support of my personal aspirations.
5. One
sentence advice you’d give to a couple planning to get married?
Do your
diligence and seek out counseling or a retreat that will help you ask the questions of
each other that you've previously avoided asking.
6.
What has most surprised you about being married?
Honestly? That I'd still be passionately and physically
attracted to my wife after nearly a
quarter century of marriage.
7. How
has your partner helped you become who you are today?
She's
supported me in pursuing my endeavors.
When I needed her to uproot her life and follow
me for graduate education or a job, she followed.
8. Are
you happy you had the celebration you had – or do you wish you had eloped? And if you did elope then just flip
the question around!
I'm most
happy with the celebration we had. We
were surrounded by everyone who mattered to
us, who loved us, and who could witness our commitment to each other - and
Melissa and I worked to keep the costs down for the wedding, but the fun-
factor up: we held the reception at the house she grew up in (full of
memories), we found a discount caterer who still managed to serve fabulous food
- and we asked personal friends to celebrate the wedding and ceremony (you, JP)
9.
What did you experience at your wedding that you hope other couples experience at theirs?
The pure joy
of being surrounded by more love and well-wishes than you'll most likely ever
have in this lifetime.
10. In
no more than 140 characters sum up your thoughts on marriage!
To the groom
- your job is to get your bride into Heaven; to the bride - your job is to get your
groom into Heaven. That's it.
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