JP REYNOLDS WEDDING BLOG!

How To Stay Sane While Planning for Your Wedding!

Sunday, May 27, 2012

As It Turns Out. . .


I recently met with a couple to finalize their ceremony.  When I asked how they were, Leslie sighed, “we were so much happier when we first me.  I didn’t know people had an emotional involvement with food.”

I explained to Leslie and Marcus (groom) that people normally don’t have an emotional involvement with food.  However, family and friends develop emotional involvements with all sorts of odd things soon after a couple announces they’re getting married!

Parents can often make demands that are not just unreasonable, but are disconcertingly odd.  A bride told me that her father threatened not to walk her down the aisle because she’s not having a Catholic wedding. What makes it odd is that her father has been divorced three times!

Then there’s the politics of the guest list.  There are people who want to bring children, even though they know it’s an “adult only” wedding; people who want to bring a date or their mother, even though they know the list is limited; and then there are parents who want to invite business associates whom you haven’t seen since you were in diapers.

While I’d need a book to explain how you can deal tactfully with such people and situations, for now, here’s a trick taken from the Apple Store.

Apple employees are instructed to avoid using the phrase, “unfortunately, we don’t have” or “I can’t,” etc.  Instead, they’re told to use the phrase, “as it turns out. . .”  So, instead of saying, “unfortunately, we can’t fix your laptop today,” they’ll say, “as it turns out, we can get your laptop back to you on Friday.”

While this is a subtle turn of phrase, I think it’s effective because it blunts the impact of a “no” or its equivalent.

When you have to tell someone “no” and inform them that you’re going a different route, try saying, “I appreciate your suggestion; as it turns out, Brad and I have decided. . .”  If they push back (and most likely will), say something like, “yes, I understand, and while I like your idea, as it turns out Brad and I have decided to go a different route with this.”

Be firm.  Tone of voice and facial expression must both match.  Presume the best of people.  Don’t get into a heated argument, as you won’t win. 

Remember, you owe no one an apology for doing your wedding your way.  Nor do you owe people a PowerPoint explanation for why you want to do things your way!