In case you haven’t noticed, as you
go about planning your wedding, you and your partner inevitably will find
yourselves falling into arguments.
Couples have different styles for arguing. Some of these work; some of them don’t work.
Are you and your partner caught in
a cycle of arguing and disagreeing? If
so, then here are eight questions to help you better understand what’s going
on. Answer the questions honestly (not
brutally) and you’ll increase your chances of hearing and understanding each
other with more compassion.
- What are two areas of disagreement?
- What specifically are the disagreements about?
- Why are these issues important to you?
- What are you really arguing about?
- How are you now dealing with them?
- What is your attitude towards your partner while discussing/arguing these issues?
- What is your contribution to the problem?
- What is something you know you could do to break the cycle of arguing and yet you haven’t done it out of fear or stubbornness?
I suggest you each answer these
questions and then, in a moment of calm and away from the heatedness of any
arguing, share your answers.
Do Not begin your answers with the phrase, “you this and you that”
as the only response your partner can give is to lash out.
Speak from a place of “I”––I think, I feel, I want, I need.
The word “because” in and of itself
is not an answer! The more your partner
can understand why you’re thinking and feeling a certain way, the more he or
she can respond.
Arguing is part of any relationship
and is a part of any wedding planning.
However, how you argue
dramatically will affect the overall health of your relationship.
